the shits.....

warning!

this post contains spoilers......

• spoil your day
• spoil your appetite
• spoil your mood
  

my life. literally.

i'll warn you that you may wish to skip this.....
although knowing human nature, you likely won't.....
so i'll hint it, rather than be blatant.

"The day before...... you must be on a CLEAR LIQUID DIET for the whole day before your test."

• Colyte
• "Flavoured" - I'd like to point out they don't indicate what flavour
• Colon electrolyte preparation
• Non-medicinal ingredients: Magnasweet 185, pineapple flavour, and sodium saccharin.
• Clinical Pharmacology: Colyte cleanses the bowel by induction of diarrhea
• The rate of administration is 240 ml (8 oz / 1 cup) every 10 minutes. Rapid drinking of each portion is preferred rather than drinking small amounts continuously.
• Refrigerate the solution, as chilling improves the taste.
• 4 Litres

i'll leave the rest to your imagination.

chilling does not improve the taste. 2 litres in and the aftertaste is almost making me vomit.

i lied about not being blatant (look away now.... look away now.....) i understand the term "peeing out my ass" better than i ever wanted to.

warned you.

oh crap. have to run.

MIP....

the moment in picture.....
an homage to joe*

frosty came out of his early retirement to help
celebrate the record snowfall in calgary this week.

* joe, if your desperate for your wip, feel free to use/recaption

that about sums it up......

the glory and the wonder of it.....

so, i went to the store yesterday and parked in front of an office. it was a dentists office. and i noticed the name of one of the doctors on the door. being 6" high lettering, it was awfully hard to miss.

it was dr. pecek.

i wondered two things:

1. what nationality is that?
2. surely, with "Dr." in front of it, no matter what the nationality, it must be pronounced paycheque (that would be paycheck for the rest of you.)
   

the score......

in this corner, 18 pounds of sucky, rub my tummy furball...... his name is xaos*. in this corner, well my weight ain't none of your damned business, but let's just say we're over 10x that of the cat.

but every once in a while, when i get deathly sick.... kitty seems to take the whole pack animal thing to heart. i come down with the cold from hell..... kitty gets a look in his eyes that says the leader is sick, he must die. and what ensues is 2 days of hissing and growling as he follows me around the house. i've had him chase me down the hall clawing my ankle one time. usually he gets banished to the library under his chair, and we exist in an uneasy truce.

and it's only me. my better half can walk into the room and pat his head, or scratch under his chin, and he'll purr and act like she's got tuna hidden somewhere on her. i walk into the room, and the ears go back, growling and the attack position ensues.

however, this time..... my son got in the way. the cat must have felt cornered - he leaped over the boy, landed sideways, and scrabbled to get his feet under him - scratching my son (and destroying his shirt).

so we had ourselves a little discussion about who was dominant male. i'll admit, at one point when i had the furry sonofabitch by the throat i wasn't thinking nice thoughts.

i'll tell you what an 18 lb cat is. he's one pound of fur, 3 pounds of teeth and nails, and 14 pounds of killing fury. i can honestly say that i may have won the battle, but i lost the war.


he got his back feet loose for 30 seconds. when i got his back feet back under control, i lost my hold on his neck. it's amazing how much an angry cat can maul you in a short time.

the next night he was curled up in my lap, purring as i rubbed his tummy. while i made plans to phone the doctor because while the scratches were ok, the bites above were already infected, and had that pleasant oozing, scabby look going on.

yes, those scratches are going to leave a scar. yes, the hand is ok.

no, i don't know who's dominant in this house. and no, i'm not really in the mood to put it to the test anytime soon.

*xaos, is the original greek form of 'chaos'. and just in case you're wondering, i do have a second cat. his name is confusion. when i say chaos and confusion rule the house - i'm not kidding.

please....

....do your part for the environment.

the kid's been at the fridge again....

need to buy more letters......






....wonder what life will be like once he starts at preschool.

a moment in time.....

improv - imagine 200 people waking into the largest train station in the world, and freezing in place......





the story: http://www.improveverywhere.com/2008/01/31/frozen-grand-central/

(c) 2008....

copyright....
ever wonder what it really is? what the limitations are? just how insanely complex it gets?

here is a little ditty from stanford university; a fair(y) use tale....




the original can be found at this link:
http://voirdire.stanford.edu/program/centers/cis/fairuse/Fair(y)_Use_Tale_Stanford_Cut-stream.mp4

life....

sometimes life hands you material, and you don't have to do any work at all.

i look forward to the rest of this particular series.

and since i've been lazy lately, i'll throw this one in for free.....


yup, this is an actual sign... from a computer service business somewhere in seattle.

tgif....

2008.....

a new year! and what has changed? well.... here's a sampling from this year's e-mail. yes, including the image:

• pen!s
• love weapon
• erectile (tissue or dysfunction, take your pick)
  
• dik
• big schlongs
• s'e_xual
• huge rod
• willy
• stick
• sensual delights
• "wee-wee"
• trouser mouse
• massive rod (obviously not to be confused with huge rod)
  
• a penis the size of an elephant (i can only assume they mean a penis the same size as an elephants.....)
• phallus
• pen!s enlargement (ironically not used in conjunction with huge rod, or massive rod)
• get laidddd with viiiggara
• diminutive stick
• gigantic schlongs!
• horse
• hotties
• big rod (apparently for those who are willing to settle)
• "maximize the volume of your willy"
• dick
  

we're off to the start of a banner year. ah yes, technology. what would i do without you in my life........ but i don't feel bad. i have several women friends who apparently have trouble with their penis size as well.

merry christmas....

and the best of the season to you, and yours.


well, another christmas has arrived, and i find myself once again undecided. christmas and i don't have a great track record.... they've included several deaths in the family, being left, and being close to death sick. i find myself a little melancholy for those reasons.

and up until that point, i am fine. but then come the politics of family christmas.... who is hosting this year? what do you mean you're doing christmas there this year!? what is the limit for gifts? when are you coming over here? why not?! things have gotten easier with one of the divorced parents moving out of country - one less house to make it to is that less stressful. if you can imagine, one year we made it to 3 major 'dinners' the same day, plus another 3 places over the two days after.

with our own family now... we are in a better position to define our schedule and start new traditions. for one... only one family house visit in a day. as for the others? well... christmas morning is ours alone now.

christmas eve? not sure if it's a new tradition, but tonight will be sushi and salad rolls. my snack at the moment is crispy anchovy. i don't think it will be a regular christmas eve tradition... but it's good for now.

a wonderful christmas and the best of the holidays to you all.

immigrant? or native?

my son is a technology native. 3 years old. has his own computer; and can start it, log in, load his favourite game or website, and shut the system down (correctly). he also enjoys a wide range of dvd's and movies. (we have no cable, so are thankfully disney channel and treehouse free.... plus skip most of the general advertising.)

he also plays with play dough, and other assorted items like kids from time immemorial. including..... magnetic letters on the fridge.

now what's different isn't that he has the old fashioned magnetic letters (2 sets of 72), and the leapfrog phonics set of single letters, 3 letter words, and the lowercase letters - it's the message.....

www.sonywonder.com or www.disneydvdgameworld.com

here are some other samples.... unassisted samples just to clarify.....




actually.... what scares me is that i'm afraid i won't be able to keep up.

----------------------

on the off chance anyone is wondering what brought on the whole immigrant/native topic, here is the background:

a while ago, a friend of mine posted an entry about technology, and how agency executives are digital immigrants instead of natives.

"natives have never seen a world without the digital. they use it “natively.” if you grew up pre-CD, pre-mouse, pre-cell phone etc., you’re an immigrant."

it sort of riled me up a bit.... and i made the following comment:

what amuses me, is that the digital natives become helpless without the digital immigrants. those (meaning the vast majority of natives) who use technology and take it for granted, are dumbfounded and adrift when it doesn’t work. they also have no second thoughts about putting massive amounts of personal information freely on-line in social networks.

the backbone of the system - those who concern themselves with operations, keeping things running, fixing that which is broken, and security are largely immigrants (at least those I know.)

it’s always amused me, that while I’m considered a “dinosaur” because I am of the “e-mail” generation (nay, I preceed even that) i am the one who is repairing the technology they broke.

i suddenly feel like playing the immigrant song at top volume from my iPod now.

i still stand by that, but have realized it's not completely true... i know many kids in the new generation are able to understand and fix technology. of course, all the ones i know are the children of parents who are technology immigrants and work in information technology.... who else teaches their 12 year old how to set up *nix networks, and would consider starting to teach their 6 year old SQL and Oracle?

game, set, match.....

There is no light at the end of the tunnel,
Only a pack of matches handed down
From one generation to the next.
Humanity does not have a long fuse
And this generation holds the last match.

JonArno Lawson
Bad news, in The Noon Whistle, 1996

remiss.....

friends, my apologies. i've been remiss in my posts lately. just a short update....

• i quit my job, but took another position in the same department, but a different section. this should be an improvement.
• i wound up as acting village idiot for my last month, and had two major projects dumped on me. i near killed myself getting them done (39 hours of overtime in less than 2 weeks.)
• i did not in fact get them completely done, and am somehow fine with that. (i actually left halfway through one, and am not sure how it fared)
• i have thought of work very little over the last couple of days. i don't miss it at all.

oh yes... i guess i should mention, i'm on holidays for the entire month of december. unused vacation time that was mandatory to take due to company policy. have tons of accumulated overtime as well.

i got out of dodge the first three days, and have spent the last couple catching up on errands. hopefully another week will see me mostly caught up - i'd desperately love a week between catch-up and christmas.

we'll see how it goes.

happy holidays if i don't make it back as planned. the new year looks promising.

the rubicon....

so.... the die is cast. i demanded to be demoted. it went fairly well i think - turns out it was somewhat expected. at least my direct supervisor didn't try to bullshit me. he admits it will take a long time to fix most of the reasons i am quitting this position over.

so i interviewed for another position - not one where i expected, but one i can live with. i've worked with the person who will be my new direct supervisor as an equal for 3 years now. the catch? well..... i'm "acting" supervisor until they can locate a replacement.

that's been a month now. officially, i changed positions on november 1st. what's changed? well.... nothing. as you can tell since i am sitting at work eating a re-re-reheated chicken chimichanga for dinner trying to meet a deadline some manager who went home at 4:30 picked.

happy? oh yeah... fucking ecstatic.

not to mention on top of cramming two major projects into a month, i now lose time in the interview process. yup... you guessed it - i'm expected to sit on interviews and help hire my replacement. the last 4 interview sets i went to, i was the only person to show up with a set of questions (which everyone then photocopied and took my best questions.)

is it smart having me on the hiring committee? maybe. sure, i'm responsible.... but i'm at the point of "breathing? can tie their own shoes? FUCK! what are you waiting for... hire them.

of course, i may have put them under the gun.... got the nag letter from human resources about overtime and holiday time that has to be used by the end of the year. so... i'll be gone during the month of december, and possibly january to boot to try and use all my time.

of course.... the fact that i'm sitting here earning time and a half on a project that has many more nights like this one isn't helping.

maybe i'll see everyone in march :)

if i don't have a stroke trying to get there :(

limbo.....

ok.... so while not yet dancing for joy, we've come a little closer. here's the story so far....

having become totally fed up with my job, and at the suggestion of several friends, co-workers, and my better half, i began to seriously consider seeking employment elsewhere. one final straw led me from considering it, to actively looking at optional opportunities on-line.

i opted to see if i could demote myself, as it looked like a position of interest was about to become available. so being unable to resist a dramatic moment, at the end of the day i handed my immediate supervisor a sealed envelope, and parted with the works "we have to talk tomorrow" and watched as they went pale. a short discussion ensued. the request was not a big surprise, and it looked like there were going to be some options.

fast forward to today. today, i had an interview. it was mostly an informal discussion about the transition. the available spot isn't in the area i thought it would be, but may be moved or altered. either one is acceptable. there will be a period of continuing to act in existing capacity, followed by a period of transition while i bring the new sucker up to speed, followed by a period where we determine what my job will actually be. i get to keep the same level of pay, and get to avoid another six month probationary period.

so where does this leave me? in limbo..... in order to advertise the position i am vacating, i have to officially resign. to finish off the application, resume, interview requirements i had to submit my references so they can wrap things up and offer me the position. i also had to submit my letter of resignation.

so as it stands, i have officially resigned, but not officially received an offer. ironically, i've been here before.

i figure in the end, no matter how it turns out, it will be better than continuing as it was. at the worst, i have to find another job - in a city where there is a severe shortage of qualified people. but i'm sure things will work out. they always seem to, no matter what.

today....

after starting the day barely able to walk in the doors at work or keep myself together, much less discuss anything with a co-worker (and not feel like falling apart - indeed, almost falling apart publicly), i am much happier this evening.

more details will be forthcoming, once i am able to iron them out from possibility/probability to actuality.

(no pills were consumed in the production of said happiness.)

"living"....

my life, is ruled by fear. anxiety. desperation. trapped, i stand on a ledge. unable to move, lest i fall. as twilight turns to dusk, and then to blackness. i wait for the stars to appear - light and salvation both. there is nothing but dark storm clouds that race across the sky. frozen i stand on the precipice as the storm breaks around me every fibre of my being screams at me to jump - that my only chance of survival is to close my eyes and take that leap. and so, i stand here. paralyzed. and live. completely immobilized. in fear.