and then.....

well... they made me laugh.


******************************************

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on the TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

******************************************

My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said,
"Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....

******************************************

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

******************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds...'

I bought her a set of scales.

And then the fight started.....

******************************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started....

******************************************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age... I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office..

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

******************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

******************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started....

******************************************

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect..'

And then the fight started.....

Riddle....

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off', (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and zebra are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?


(See comment section for answer)

not for everyone.....

it's the only thing that's made me laugh so far today, so here is a joke a buddy at work sent me.....
(i'm sure that alone says something about me. it's not for everyone.)



A Priest books into a hotel and says to the receptionist ' I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled...'

She says, 'No sir, it's just regular porn, you sick bastard'

in the news....

this just in... eyewitness photos of a giant troll terrorizing the local trains. stay tuned for details at eleven....




* ok, you got me..... that's pretty much all i have. the troll took a nap - trains ran on schedule unscathed. no mayhem.

MIP....

the moment in picture.....
an homage to joe*

frosty came out of his early retirement to help
celebrate the record snowfall in calgary this week.

* joe, if your desperate for your wip, feel free to use/recaption

the glory and the wonder of it.....

so, i went to the store yesterday and parked in front of an office. it was a dentists office. and i noticed the name of one of the doctors on the door. being 6" high lettering, it was awfully hard to miss.

it was dr. pecek.

i wondered two things:

1. what nationality is that?
2. surely, with "Dr." in front of it, no matter what the nationality, it must be pronounced paycheque (that would be paycheck for the rest of you.)
   

please....

....do your part for the environment.

(c) 2008....

copyright....
ever wonder what it really is? what the limitations are? just how insanely complex it gets?

here is a little ditty from stanford university; a fair(y) use tale....




the original can be found at this link:
http://voirdire.stanford.edu/program/centers/cis/fairuse/Fair(y)_Use_Tale_Stanford_Cut-stream.mp4

life....

sometimes life hands you material, and you don't have to do any work at all.

i look forward to the rest of this particular series.

and since i've been lazy lately, i'll throw this one in for free.....


yup, this is an actual sign... from a computer service business somewhere in seattle.

excitement....

because this is way more exciting than my life....

true story....

I don't know how "true" this is, having received it by e-mail, but i thought it was worth a chuckle....

story from houston medical center:

a man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis.
according to the nurse attending, the patient's girl friend found the
ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him, she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his penis while he was asleep.
i don't know what's worse:

1) having your girl friend find out that you're married.
2) explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis.
or
3) finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring.

Tetris....

Japanese "Human" Tetris.... I wonder when the home game is being released?


Japanese Tetris

http://www.break.com/index/japanese-tetris.html