reflections.....

sorry folks, probably not much of interest. feel free to move along when you get bored.

I had the thought cross my mind, that i am really not sure i fit in the whole blogger culture. i read some fabulous blogs. good writers. scrap that - great writers. interesting, witty, charming, sharp people. Also people that must have time - to write so much, so well, and then to keep up with replies to the comments. joe. deb. okami. even my buddy litotes has some crazy demons to expunge when time permits.

i... well.... don't. i have technology issues. these appear to get in the way of my blogging. don't get me wrong, not that i don't like technology. let me explain.....

work in information technology as a tech. problem solver. good problem solver. so, as a result, i get the really nightmare stuff. carry what i refer to as 'the leash from hell'. if you've ever had a blackberry, you will understand. for the others, it's referred to as a crackberry. instant e-mail & voice contact. i hate it, yet find myself jonesing for a fix for the first 3 or 4 days of a holiday. it's nasty. approaching the job i had 2 pagers and a cell phone for.

work gets in the way of my having time, or a life. trust me, i don't joke. day's are a non-stop nightmare leading to overtime and uber-stress.

i have enough trouble finding time to live vicariously by reading good blogs. i have trouble bringing myself to turn my computer on to check mail when i get home. i do woodworking by hand to get away from any technology in my free time, or as least as reasonable an amount as i can.

the issue? i mean, besides what's obviously sanity related above.....

what good does it do?

i mean - you can keep in touch, with anyone, anywhere, almost instantly. and yet - i find most of the people i know are so busy, it becomes almost impossible. no more pony express delivery, across the ocean on a steamer, written by hand communication - and yet it would be as fast. sometimes faster.

it hit me the other day. and it depressed me. in order to stay in touch with all the ease there is - i have to book the time in my calendar, and pray it's not bumped by yet another meeting!? and i have a hell of a time making it happen.

ok, so i don't make friends easily. don't open up easily. i have problems connecting. could count the number of people i would call friends on one hand, and may have room leftover. this handful of people has partly dispersed around the globe. vancouver. la. dubai. try and remember to call someone in dubai during their day - i always seem to think about it at 2am their time. ehhhhh.... should i call anyway? ehhhh..... probably not.

ok. forget dubai. i have friends in the city i can't stay in touch with more often than 2 years apart.
argh. now i'm babbling, and i'm melancholy.

sigh. for all of you (and you know who you are) I MISS YOU. A LOT.

I'm trying. I'm just not that good at it......

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