love....
(most recent updates in this colour. sorry folks - had some odd formatting issues earlier)
love is funny. not ha ha funny. damn strange funny. well, most of the time. day after valentines day and while i got caught up in work, and lost track of time - thereby becoming totally shocked yesterday morning when my best half presented me with some little tokens of affection. (also embarrassed. i had meant to shop, but kept running late from work. yes, not a real reason, in fact a poor and shitty excuse at best. but sometimes life happens)
maybe, just maybe i need to stop and reflect. (this will occur through the day as i find, no make some time for it). Have decided this one may have been best done in draft form. will probably move to that from now on.
and not just about valentine's day, or love - but about my life. in general. in total. but love isn't a bad place to start. so here's some (random) reflections, observations, and scribbles (sorry if you have a weak stomach, or are tired of all the love themed valentines related blogs):
love:
- can clear your sinuses. (ok - i'll explain that. received a bag of wasabi coated peanuts v-day morning. not thinking, i later tossed back a handful. let's just say they were hotter than most of the ones i've previously enjoyed. at least i don't have to trim the nose hair today).
- is a work in progress, much like the people involved.
- is as much (or more) about comfort and familiarity as it is about passion and romance. but make no mistake - all of it must be there, just not necessarily at the same time.
- can turn on a dime. it's funny how that deep feeling of ultimate peace as you watch your 2 year old sleeping can evaporate when he wakes up screaming in the middle of the night, or stomps into the room and turns on the lights at 5:00 am. (trust me, not funny ha ha ;)
- is: being understanding and patient, while the other person decides not to be for the moment. listening and paying attention. taking the time to understand. that intense feeling of loneliness and longing for no reason in the middle of the day. cutting the sandwhich in half the way they prefer it, even if it is the wrong way.
- is a pain in the ass. let's face it - it's not as big a pain in the ass as family is, and while it's good it's great, but there always seems to be that soul-crushing, bone jarring, just kill me now downside that balances the equation.
- is knowing that you read this ;)
- love is knowing that other person can (and will most likely) finish your sentence for you. and that is ok with both.
- is only having to say one word, instead of the sentence.
- is acceptance, and being accepted. better or worse. no questions. no requirement to change, or be changed. bad blog or good blog.
- can be blind, but is inherently dangerous in that mode.
- is being happy with yourself.
- an imperfect balance.
- is not perfection in itself, as much as it is a perfect moment. a string of single perfect moments isolated in time.
- is not accepting that you are not perfect, but working to be better than the limitations that you have imposed on yourself.
- is fleeting and precious.
Anybody stay awake through the whole thing?
6 comments:
Please forgive me if this sounds a trifle blunt, but remember the mental stability of the one it comes from:
I hope that you are really fucking thankful you have someone to walk up with every morning who gives a damn that you wake up beside them too.
With my current track record; isolation wears two masks - one of defensive security, the other of crushing loneliness. It sucks and I hate it. But that is the only option I have. At least you can find joy in that you have two people in your life that can make you smile and care that you come home at the end of the day to see them and hold them both. I envy that. I truly do. You are a lucky man.
*Ahem*...I'll get down off my soapbox now - sorry. Just feeling the effects of fatigue and isolation.
Yeesh - not too sure I like that picture - might switch back to the buddha...
love is many things - and is a balance. there is no good, without the bad. there is no high, without a low. there is no happiness, without the sadness, or frustration.
love is understanding that your day made you take my tongue in cheek as dead seriousness.
chin up. you are loved.
I know that you were poking fun - still did little to make the emptiness go away. The pictures of monkey help considerably though...
As did two glasses of wine last night and a dead sleep.
Sorry for the preceeding bitterness and angst...
You gave the raw definition of love. Bravo!
What a little cutie this kid is in the picture! Just adorable.
thanks deb ;)
the cutie is the real thing, although the pictures are now slightly dated. he really is the whole package, whole range, and the whole definition of things.
not to mention the reason i get up in the morning. (no, seriously - he's a 5:30 am kid)
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