perspective

i will admit, i haven't posted much lately. recently had a couple of things happen that i thought might be defining moments. might have shed some light. provided direction. definition. difference.

i've felt kind of down this week. despair. depression. not quite there, but headed there. tired. out of sorts. a small run of bad luck. lost. adrift. drowning in a sea of trivialities. ocean of mediocrity.

then i realized i was starting to lose my perspective again. recently had something happen to correct that again.

first:
at the end of my christmas holidays, i had something that put some perspective back into my life, including (especially) with work. the little man got sick. had the flu. then the two of us caught it. something about holding a 22 month old at 3 am, while he's covered in vomit and no one has slept for days. then, just as the 3 of us are starting to feel better, one of the two cats was acting a little weird - stayed downstairs by his litter box, hardly ate or drank, was just lying there, would occasionally try to use his litter box (with no luck). got worse. spent the last night of my holidays sleepless, wondering if i was going to regret waiting for the morning to take him to a vet.

so the short version: spent a week mopping up vomit. then spent the last night wondering if my cat was going to live until morning. sort of a conversation killer at work when i got back. (all turned out well - kitty had a urinary blockage, and would have been in trouble if it had been much longer. after a week at the vets, 2 catheters, antibiotics, and a diet change, he's back to his old self again).

that put things into perspective for a while. then, work being work.... life being life....

second:
kept meaning to get in touch with a friend of mine. life being life, of course, you drift out of touch - sometimes for long periods. and she's moved to dubai - i can never keep track of the time difference, so when i think about calling - it's 3am there. anyway.....

finally got around to e-mailing... one of those sort of trite, grumbly, life sucks kind of bitching e-mails. the response i got back was what helped with my persepective again.
my life is ... hmmm... pretty good... except for the blindness part.

boy, sure made me feel like a heel - pinched nerve, work and some car trouble. blind in one eye, with possibilities of reversing the problem mostly. and still in a better mood than i am.

(for those who don't know me, this is tongue in cheek:) in my defense, they gave her time off due to her condition - i pinched a nerve and they doubled my work load for the 2 weeks. and hey - it's only one eye.

anyway... all bitching aside - i'm hoping i can keep my perspective locked in a little better. i think it's time i pulled out my go to book for these kinds of moods: illusions.

I'll end this with two of my favorite quotes:

... and the master said unto the silence,
"in the path of our happiness
shall we find the learning for which
we have chosen this lifetime.
so it is that i have learned this day,
and choose to leave you now to walk
your own path, as you please."

--

there is no such thing as a problem
without a gift for you in your hands.

You seek problems
because you need their gifts.

richard bach,
illusions