merry christmas....

i sit here on christmas eve, with a few seconds to spare. i can't believe it's already christmas. and i have mixed feelings.

there's been a lot that's happened around christmas, and sometimes that christmas 'spirit' is challenged. it's funny how negative occurrences have such a deeper impact than positive ones.

i've buried too many people around the holidays. grandparents. uncles. son.
i've been left, by a spouse.
and then i've got family to deal with.

they're not the best, but they're not the worst by far either. that being said, i'm good for about 2 hours, and then i've had enough. i fully realize this likely says much more about me, than about them. be that as it may, that's the way that it is.

i've got some thinking to do as well, once i get through the holidays. need to stop, and take some time. i'm guessing some of it will end up here.

so there may be some extremely boring, long-winded, introverted, whiny, suck ass posts in the near future. because it's finally starting to hit home that if i don't deal with some of this, it will kill me. at the least, continue to have unwanted impact. melancholy? perhaps. tired? yes - and not just physically.

merry christmas, and happy holidays, to all of you. take care of yourself.

we'll see you again soon. yup... good times ahead.

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melancholia I, by albrecht durer. taken from wikipedia.