something in the water....

i think i finally have some proof that it's true. they claim it's something to kill the algae, but i'm pretty sure it's in the drinking water too. what else could explain some of the stuff that goes on?

the past couple of days, it's been car related. i think north america has a love affair with their vehicle that is no longer healthy. and i don't just mean in the back seat either. great... now i've got the lyric "now i'm waiting for the end of time" stuck in my head along with all of the other crap.

i once remember reading a story about (i believe) mercedes, when they were looking at releasing their vehicles in north america. one of the first questions they were asked was "but where are the cup holders?" think about that. they design their vehicles, and use their vehicles, to drive. point a to point b. get there in safety, style, and comfort. not to mention class. they thought of eating or drinking in the car never even crossed their minds. either that, or they realized in advance that

• a hot cup of coffee
• newton's laws of motion (object at rest tend to stay at rest)
• and the thought of said cup of coffee not matching the velocity of a car going from zero to autobahn in a space you could park a smart car fortwo in

would create a lawsuit that made mcdonalds look like a joke.

anyway... i digress.

what i've noticed of late, is that people seem to think they are really truly alone in their car. and not only are they alone (and probably lonely, sad and pathetic - hang in there, the proof is coming) the seem to think that no one can see them as they sit in their little glass bubble. let's face it - it's a fishbowl on wheels.

so, there seem to be some pretty standard infractions you notice. such as:

1. singing at the top of your lungs. you look like an idiot, but you're having fun, don't care, and not hurting anyone (unless you have the windows rolled down).
2. those who pick their teeth. ok, i'll admit i've done this one. i spend a lot of time in my car - and eat as i drive due to time limitations. sometimes you just have to.
   
3. the cell phone talkers - well, they scare me. come on y'all - most of you can't walk and chew gum, program the time on your vcr, or concentrate on the road and your conversation about pink bubble gum lip gloss and it's benefits in your desperate plot to attract a mate.
4. the nose picker. not a scratch. not rubbing. but drilling for oil, buried to the second knuckle and still working it deeper. i know it's alberta, but i'm almost positive there's no oil up there. come to think of it, i'm pretty much positive there isn't anything up in your cranium.
5. the masturbator. i've only ever heard of this one, but it was from my sister so i actually give it credit. she was riding a city bus, and was higher up than the guy in the pick up. she made it sound like he was trying to choke a midget garter snake to death that had somehow gotten into his pants, and was losing. ever wonder about that two car pile-up blocking traffic in front of you? ok... so it's probably just some stupid idiot. probably.

the latest one i saw, was a squeezer. i thought she might be a picker until she leaned in close to the mirror, and gave 'er on the side of her nose with both hands. yup, i was stopped on the side o'squeezin. but was that all? no..... pull down the cheeks for a clearer look by sliding the palms of her hands over them. then onto the chin - pull those cheeks sideways for a nice clear look. and then onto the forehead.

at that point the light turned green before i could finish contemplating going back to taking the bus. mostly because i remember horror stories from okami and joe about some of their bus rides. and i have dark fleeting horrible memories from the years i spent on public transport.

time to turn up the iPod, and sing off key as loudly as i can while i finish my trip to work. at least i don't have my finger embedded up my nose.