the olympics.....

are over!

usually, around my house, the olympics come and go at about the same volume year after year after year. whisper. or a whimper at most. this year, they came crashing through in a massive storm of screamin agony and protest.

how can i explain this..... no cable, two year old child - kids cbc pre-empted by 24/7 olympic coverage. as you can imagine, this did not go over well.

perhaps less than well would be an understatement. enter dvd children's entertainment. ok.... so i may not be the best parent on earth - enter additional dvd based children's entertainment. (hell, i am a realist).

but what? barney?! ummm... not likely. and anyone presenting barney giftage had best be aware they will be removed from my family/friends list. bob the builder? turns out a little too old. thomas the tank eng ine? same deal.... lots of narrataion, not quite enough action (besides, it creeped me out a little hearing george carlin doing the voice overs). teletubbies? you'd be running faster than if you had said barney. i'm not that bad a parent (and to tell you the truth, i'd rather watch a temper tantrum than a teletubbies episode).

well, that pretty much left the wiggles. i had heard of them, they seemed to get good magazine and parenting ratings. how bad could they be?

kind of a dangerous way to phrase a question, don't you think?

and therein lies the problem! they aren't bad. in fact, they are quite catchy, and pretty fun. ok.... so they look like they got tossed off as extras from a star trek episode, and jeff reminds me of sulu's brother... and murray is a little intense sometimes.....

but they're real people! and a lot of the people in the videos are family.... and the songs are catchy, with fairly complex layered harmonies on the simple melodies.

and they stay in your head for DAYS!
(click here if you dare for a short sample - actually, you may want to right click & open in another window due to sloppy non-html coding)

and the nibblet? i've watched him shake his head and go 'nonononononononono' when you reach for a baby einstein (really dad, i am almost 2 you know - that's for babies) and smile and start jumping up and down when you grab for the wiggles off the shelf above.

and yes... i find myself humming it under my breath without realizing it. hell... i wound up listening to it at work today. and enjoying it.

would it be any suprise that i was contemplating the purchase of a mini-van recently?

so huzzah! the olympics are over! kids cbc is back, and the homefront is slowly stabilizing again.

and to top it all off... we took home 24 medals, and came in third overall. in with a roar, and out with some clapping and dancing.

maybe by the next olympics we'll have cable......

maybe.

--------------
images & fine print:
closing ceremony (c) reuters
http://www.torino2006.org/ENG/OlympicGames/home/index.html
closing ceremony (c) getty images
http://www.torino2006.org/ENG/OlympicGames/news/news_eng162130.html
the wiggles (c)
http://www.thewiggles.com.au/
(dear wiggles lawyer - if you're offended by the small sample that is here to promote the product, let me know. if you ask nicely, i'll probably even continue to buy your product)

perspective

i will admit, i haven't posted much lately. recently had a couple of things happen that i thought might be defining moments. might have shed some light. provided direction. definition. difference.

i've felt kind of down this week. despair. depression. not quite there, but headed there. tired. out of sorts. a small run of bad luck. lost. adrift. drowning in a sea of trivialities. ocean of mediocrity.

then i realized i was starting to lose my perspective again. recently had something happen to correct that again.

first:
at the end of my christmas holidays, i had something that put some perspective back into my life, including (especially) with work. the little man got sick. had the flu. then the two of us caught it. something about holding a 22 month old at 3 am, while he's covered in vomit and no one has slept for days. then, just as the 3 of us are starting to feel better, one of the two cats was acting a little weird - stayed downstairs by his litter box, hardly ate or drank, was just lying there, would occasionally try to use his litter box (with no luck). got worse. spent the last night of my holidays sleepless, wondering if i was going to regret waiting for the morning to take him to a vet.

so the short version: spent a week mopping up vomit. then spent the last night wondering if my cat was going to live until morning. sort of a conversation killer at work when i got back. (all turned out well - kitty had a urinary blockage, and would have been in trouble if it had been much longer. after a week at the vets, 2 catheters, antibiotics, and a diet change, he's back to his old self again).

that put things into perspective for a while. then, work being work.... life being life....

second:
kept meaning to get in touch with a friend of mine. life being life, of course, you drift out of touch - sometimes for long periods. and she's moved to dubai - i can never keep track of the time difference, so when i think about calling - it's 3am there. anyway.....

finally got around to e-mailing... one of those sort of trite, grumbly, life sucks kind of bitching e-mails. the response i got back was what helped with my persepective again.
my life is ... hmmm... pretty good... except for the blindness part.

boy, sure made me feel like a heel - pinched nerve, work and some car trouble. blind in one eye, with possibilities of reversing the problem mostly. and still in a better mood than i am.

(for those who don't know me, this is tongue in cheek:) in my defense, they gave her time off due to her condition - i pinched a nerve and they doubled my work load for the 2 weeks. and hey - it's only one eye.

anyway... all bitching aside - i'm hoping i can keep my perspective locked in a little better. i think it's time i pulled out my go to book for these kinds of moods: illusions.

I'll end this with two of my favorite quotes:

... and the master said unto the silence,
"in the path of our happiness
shall we find the learning for which
we have chosen this lifetime.
so it is that i have learned this day,
and choose to leave you now to walk
your own path, as you please."

--

there is no such thing as a problem
without a gift for you in your hands.

You seek problems
because you need their gifts.

richard bach,
illusions

library

recently finished:

• lost city (clive cussler): amusing male brain candy. fun read, but borders on formulaic. darkly handsome main character, sidekick, impossible trouble/evil, female bombshell, good guys win. but they are fun. even though when you read a dirk pitt and a kurt austen at the same time, you can easily mix up the characters with no real impact.

recently watched:

• serenity: can't stop the signal. defenite own. action, adventure, sci-fi, thriller - a la joss whedon. based in the firefly universe (had heard of firefly - after having seen this i will be actively hunting for firefly on dvd.) and is a supposed finale for the dropped tv show. if you like joss' sense of humour (buffy the vampire slayer, angel, firefly, click on his name above for more details) you'll love this irreverent, quirky, action packed escapade. and the outakes are funny.
  
• star wars iv, a new hope: must own/cult classic. saw them in the theatre. owned them on video. saw the re-release in the theaters. bought the box set (still unopened if anyone thinks they're a collector's item and wants to make an offer ;) recently bought the dvd box set. haven't watched them in 10 years since the re-release. still great. good story. good effects. bad hair. oh well.....
• catch me if you can: solid renter. dicaprio is pretty good, hanks plays fbi so straightman works, chrisopher walken and a spielberg to boot. story is good, fun, and tragic all rolled up - not to mention based on real life (or at least inspired). "did you want to hear me tell a joke? sure.... knock, knock... who's there? go fcuk yourself."
  

narcissistic desparation

i must admit, i'm still at the newbie stage of blogging, where i haven't quite yet decided what this is to me. at the moment, i'm taking the journey, without having defined the destination. so it's still part rant. catharsis. process. of discovery.

originally i thought the entire concept of blogging was nothing more than narcissistic. publicly publishing about oneself for the world to access. wrote it off. then a friend started - as a substitute for their journals. found it amusing, thought i'd try it.

i had been thinking of digging out the journal and starting again. needed to clear the head. noticed my current book, 90+% empty, covered a span of about 4 years. it would start, then taper off. every start said the same thing basically. lack of impetus. no focus. perhaps i can blame it on no life, but then i should have had something i could do cathartic ranting about.

enter blog. found the first couple posts amusing. the blessing and curse of electronic communication - ease, without the prerequisite for deep thought. started finding it sort of addictive. had the attitude of i don't care if anyone reads it. trouble is... i don't think that's true anymore.

i started hitting the good old random "next" button, just to see what was out there. and started to find some pretty great stuff. you read some of it and, well... as stupid as it sounds, feel this odd connection to these people, like you've known them for a while. (i had the urge to say 'global community', but thought that sounded geeky and trite). some of that is writing style. some is content. openness. joie de vivre.

so i find myself at a crossroads, where i'm an extremely private type of person, who is publicly putting some things out there. and is doing it for himself, but really does hope someone somewhere reads it. desperation? narcissism? the quest for contact from others who feel the same? suffer the same? something further than the knowing you aren't the only one. a real need for contact. yet, i'm definitely not comfortable with moving away from some level of anonymity at this stage.

yes it's fear. while many bloggers will openly post, and do so from a perspective of carpe diem, i sort of hit carp diem, or perhaps carpe carp at best. at the moment. (yes, i know it's not 'correct latin', but i'm aiming for 'fish of the day', or 'grasp the fish', instead of sieze the day here. and sadly i looked it up on the net, and it's not an original theme, although it is apparently an original clothing line.)

i guess the best i can do here, is continue onward.

for life is about the journey, not the destination.

and now i must go, for the cats are nagging me for still being up.

bad. down. sit. roll over. play dead.

bad weekend. bad. bad weekend. down weekend. sit.

here are the highlights......

pinched the radial nerve in my left arm wednesday. managed to get to the chiropracter on friday. it was supposed to be back to normal about 24 hours later. well, it doesn't feel like my arm is going to fall off, but it's still close. ever had a migraine? get kicked in the crotch with a grade a perfect connection? imagine that feeling, and then embed it in your shoulder, running down your bicep, through your forarm, and into your 2 smaller fingers. then leave it there for days on end. now, lean or turn funny, and imagine it flaring up worse.

car dies. in left turn lane. in busy intersection. while headed home because you're overdue to feed your 2 year old his lunch. and he's not happy. on the plus side, i can wait to stress out about having to find a replacement and the mechanics bill 'till tuesday because monday is a holiday.

said 2 year old returns to 5:30 am alarm clock mode.

ok, you're right - that last one is a stretch. but i'm tossed between "when it rains, it pours" and "bad things happen in threes". i'm kind of lumping some issues i have about current physiotherapy, and other medical costs).

as i search to find my (blogging) voice, i'm hoping maybe i'll have something less lame for tuesday. assuming work leaves me alive.

huzzah.

library

recently started:

• pilgrim (timothy findley) i'm a chapter in, and so far it's delicious: a man commits suicide by hanging, is declared dead by 2 doctors, and starts to breathe again 7 hours later. he is then treated by c.g. jung. but then, i'm a big findley fan (started with not wanted on the voyage and never looked back).
  

recently watched:

• pushing tin (john cusack, billy bob thornton, angelina jolie, cate blanchette) - like it. own it. dark, romantic comedy. if you saw grosse pointe blank and enjoyed it, you'll find this one has the same feel.
  

love... (is complete)

love....
(most recent updates in this colour. sorry folks - had some odd formatting issues earlier)

love is funny. not ha ha funny. damn strange funny. well, most of the time. day after valentines day and while i got caught up in work, and lost track of time - thereby becoming totally shocked yesterday morning when my best half presented me with some little tokens of affection. (also embarrassed. i had meant to shop, but kept running late from work. yes, not a real reason, in fact a poor and shitty excuse at best. but sometimes life happens)

maybe, just maybe i need to stop and reflect. (this will occur through the day as i find, no make some time for it). Have decided this one may have been best done in draft form. will probably move to that from now on.

and not just about valentine's day, or love - but about my life. in general. in total. but love isn't a bad place to start. so here's some (random) reflections, observations, and scribbles (sorry if you have a weak stomach, or are tired of all the love themed valentines related blogs):

love:

• can clear your sinuses. (ok - i'll explain that. received a bag of wasabi coated peanuts v-day morning. not thinking, i later tossed back a handful. let's just say they were hotter than most of the ones i've previously enjoyed. at least i don't have to trim the nose hair today).
• is a work in progress, much like the people involved.
  
• is as much (or more) about comfort and familiarity as it is about passion and romance. but make no mistake - all of it must be there, just not necessarily at the same time.
• can turn on a dime. it's funny how that deep feeling of ultimate peace as you watch your 2 year old sleeping can evaporate when he wakes up screaming in the middle of the night, or stomps into the room and turns on the lights at 5:00 am. (trust me, not funny ha ha ;)
• is: being understanding and patient, while the other person decides not to be for the moment. listening and paying attention. taking the time to understand. that intense feeling of loneliness and longing for no reason in the middle of the day. cutting the sandwhich in half the way they prefer it, even if it is the wrong way.
• is a pain in the ass. let's face it - it's not as big a pain in the ass as family is, and while it's good it's great, but there always seems to be that soul-crushing, bone jarring, just kill me now downside that balances the equation.
• is knowing that you read this ;)
• love is knowing that other person can (and will most likely) finish your sentence for you. and that is ok with both.
• is only having to say one word, instead of the sentence.
• is acceptance, and being accepted. better or worse. no questions. no requirement to change, or be changed. bad blog or good blog.
• can be blind, but is inherently dangerous in that mode.
• is being happy with yourself.
• an imperfect balance.
• is not perfection in itself, as much as it is a perfect moment. a string of single perfect moments isolated in time.
• is not accepting that you are not perfect, but working to be better than the limitations that you have imposed on yourself.
• is fleeting and precious.

love is 2, and calls me da-da.




























Anybody stay awake through the whole thing?

library

recently finished:

• pattern recognition (william gibson): fabulous. 'classic' gibson depth and texture blended with a not too distant future that has tendrils into the near and distant past. marketing phobia and global obsession over art that hovers on the verge of product. cutting edge for it's believability as much as for it's gaze into the probably future.

recently started:

• rachel and leah (orson scott card)

recently watched:

• the fantastic 4: solid renter - may rent a second time. while i think it was a well done movie, i have to admit that i never really read much of the fantastic 4 as a kid - so the adaptation may have left something to be desired to die-hards. the effects were good. strike that - i'm verging on great to great plus. pretty sure i counted around 9 special effects companies in the credits.
  

happy v-day

i was walking through the building i work in today, and passed a manned booth - casually glanced and thought 'i read that wrong. the hell's the matter with me today?' so i took another look. nope. read that right. vagina. not what i expected. oh...... vagina monologues. my apologies, i guess it was a wommyned booth ;)

it wasn't until later that a friend mentioned 'did you read the banner at the top'. ummmm.... nope. i stopped right after the two main words vagina monologues. 'it read february 14th is v-day' she declared.

shite. i thought the 14th was a day of love and celebration - didn't realize it was vagina day. i better remember to bring mine in to work. no.... wait..... i don't have one. how the hell am i supposed to celebrate valentines day now? anyone have a spare? i guess some of you don't see this as an issue, as you don't have this problem.

now granted, in fairness, i looked up v-day, and can't argue with what they are aiming at - "V-Day is a global movement to stop violence against women and girls". and maybe i have to re-look at the whole vagina monologue thing - i'll admit the only experience i have was with a local group where frankly, it came across as seriously pro-femenist through male bashing (sort of like claiming you're a great guy 'cause you only beat your dog on sundays).

i mean, the new york times can't be completely wrong:

"The monologues are part of Eve Ensler's crusade to wipe out the shame and embarrassment that many women still associate with their bodies or their sexualityÉ They are both a celebration of women's sexuality and a condemnation of its violation."
--The New York Times

i'll add it to my to do list. sorry ladies (or should that be feminists? womyn?), please don't be offended if it's sort of low on the priority scale. while i can publicy use the word 'vagina' without stuttering, turning red, or making the sign of the evil eye - i seem to have some trouble identifying completely. maybe i'll have to take another look around and see if i can't find mine.

besides, between the vagina monologues, v-day, the heart & stroke foundation, and hallmark - i'm finding valentines day is getting slightly crowded.

-------
I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again.
This happens all the time.
It's detachable.

. . .

I was starting to get desperate.
I really don't like being without my penis for too long.
It makes me feel like less of a man,
and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.
After a few hours of searching the house,
and calling everyone I could think of,
I was starting to get very depressed,
so I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast.

lyric excerpts from:
detachable penis, king missile

-------

library

finished:

• fww issue 165
• the vile village, book the 7th (lemony snicket) starting to get tedious, but still pretty amusing at this point. same orphans, same villain, same bad luck - but they're starting to make some progress.
  

started:

• fww issue 166
• the hostile hospital, book the 8th (lemony snicket)
  

watched:

• valiant (with voices by john cleese, ewan mcgregor, tim curry, jim broadbent.) amusing, solid renter - couple more watches will tell if it was a good buy tim curry still kicks ass as a bad bird.
  
• the brothers grimm (directed by terry gilliam - 'nough said) must must must watch again. i'm pretty sure that they crammed damn near every fairy tale they could in here. a quick look at the project gutenberg list for the brothers grimm book shows aprox 209 stories. i'm still sure they made at least oblique references to all of them.
• hidalgo (vigo on a horse, again! but this time it's a period piece) ok, i was surprised a little by this one. decent story line - based on a true story, but presented pretty realistically. solid renter, not sure i have the urge to see it a second time soon. the feel good ending is only slightly gooey.
  

monsters inc.

one more time?!? well, i was originally going to do a top 10 movie list, but i got stuck on this one. when monsters inc. first came out, i thought it was one of the most original and innovative movies i had seen in a very long time. but after watching it 250 times in 250 days recently, it seems to have started to lose some of that appeal recently.

i will admit though, it will remain a contender for the list. i still hold my breath in awe when they enter the main door storage facility area. i still laugh at half of what boo says, and still can't quite figure it out. every time i hear '2319, we have a 2310" i cringe for poor george. and even most of the bad puns remain amusing.

now, i watch looking for things - as the base plot and action are ingrained. did you ever notice:

• celia (smoopsie poo) has light green bands around her 'wrist'? 2 for sure, might be 3
• they work a standard workday just like the rest of us. up at 6, shift is 9-6, with a half hour lunch. since sully talks buddy buddy with waternoose at the coffee machine, i can only assume coffee breaks are also allowable. not to mention at some point they show a couple guys hovering at the water cooler.
  
• the coffee place does espresso, cappuccino, and diesel. why the hell can't i get diesel level coffee around here?
• they do in fact foreshadow the splinter of boo's door sullivan picks up. with only two door shreds in the movie done from different angles they would have been nuts not to reuse the same sequence. watch the lower right corner of the screen during the first dead door and you'll see the exact splinter (except for the different door texture map of course)
• the detail level is incredible. from dirt on the pipes in the apartment, the water/dirt patterns in the men's changerooms, down to the dirty towels tossed on top of the lockers in the background. not to mention the litter in the street (albeit near the garbage cans)

however, i am troubled by boo's costume. sure the chair fabric is easy, as is the mop, lamp, and a-clips they use to cinch it up in the back - but where did the tentacles come from? they look like a bath mat to me - you know, one of those anti-slip ones you grew up with.

and while the timeline is only a day, maybe two from her appearance to her return - her room is still dark and quiet? while i appreciate the peace of my little monster not being around, i'm pretty sure i'd notice he wasn't in the house for an entire day.

oh yes, and i'm pretty sure the pee pee dance came way too late. even if this isn't reality.

all clear, situation is niner niner zero - ready for detox.

---------------
image (c)2001 disney/pixar - all rights reserved
source: http://www.imdb.com/gallery/ss/0198781/05-m8_26crVM.jpg

library

recently started:

* the vile village, book the seventh (lemony snicket)

recently finished:

* the ersatz elevator, book the sixth (lemony snicket)
* the austere academy, book the fifth (lemony snicket): same three orphans, same villain, some stupid adults. what's different this time for these two books? some new friends kidnapped by the villain, a little hope dangled and snatched, dangled and snatched. fun fun fun.

Do you spend too much time on your cell?

warning: this may make you question the amount of time you spend on your cell phone.
http://www.wymsey.co.uk/wymchron/cooking.htm

update:
further information received, challenging the validity of this highly amusing thought:
"This neither proves or disproves - but does offer some more things to think about...."
http://www.flutterby.com/archives/comments/8198.html

library

finished:

* the castle in the attic (elizabeth winthrop): decent kids book, entertaining, light moral: you have everything you need to succeed inside of yourself. moral is lightly touched upon, without being shoved down your throat. good enough first book i'll keep an eye out for the sequel (the battle for the castle).
* the miserable mill, book the fourth (lemony snickett): what can i say? same 3 orphans, same villain, same bad luck, slight plot adjustment. entertaining, but becoming tedious to slog through as i am reading the entire series without the year long publication break that would have been the norm. still amusing enough to move on to book the fifth.

additional current reading material:

* pattern recognition (william gibson)
* the austere academy, book the fifth (lemony snickett): only 7 more to go, with additional book the thirteenth being an unreleased but final book.

""

"there was not an ounce of life in her face - it was just a plaster cast of desperation, the heavy-lidded eyes half-closed, the mouth drawn down, it's lips with blood on them."
- timothy findley, the piano man's daughter

"our battle, our struggle is to create art. our weapon is the moving picture. because we have the moving picture, our paintings will grow and recede. our poetry will be shadows that lengthen and conceal. our light will play across living faces that laugh and agonize. and our music will linger and finally overwhelm because it will have a context as certain as the grave. we are scientists engaged in the creation of memory. and our memory will neither blur, nor fade."
- from shadow of the vampire, an e. elias mirkle film

random moments in time.....

the fromage du jour..... an image i've always found appealing. not sure if it's the 'fuck the world' attitude, or just the pure kitsch of the thing. but it's always had appeal to me.

going through some old writings.... some of what will appear in the next bit is recycled material to me, but things that continue to strike me later when i go back and revisit them.

to live with my scars
it to constantly remember
the moment of my wounding.
-unknown

caesars lean and hungry friends.
they eat the dark, who only stand and breathe.
-unknown

(if you know where these are from , please let me know.)

"& this journal will be destroyed . . .
must be destroyed. It is a poet's place to lay
bare thoughts that others must deny even
having, but poetry is dead & I soon will
be & I refuse to leave these thoughts
where prying eyes will find them.
& yet I must write about it all
or go mad."
-Dan Simmons, The Great Lover.

i am the one orgasmatron,
the outstretched grasping hand,
my image is of agony,
my servants rape the land . . .
obsequious and arrogant,
clandestine and vain,
two thousand years of misery,
of torture in my name. . .
hypocrisy made paramount,
paranoia the law,
my name is called religion,
sadistic, sacred whore.
-k. schmaltz

end fromage....

too daze thots

misc:
haven't deciced if i am going to publish and update through the day, or save as draft and publish when i feel i've overworked it to death. probably the former, but don't hold your breath either. maybe i'll mention i've updated it, maybe i won't. probably i'll just add other rantings under a new title (or the same title). either way will confuse people.

the gym:
i had forgotten the gym was populated by fashion divas, and obviously was the new version of the meat market. vapid barbie dolls, with full make-up, and just the cutest little outfit. not a hair out of place. some word stencilled across the ass of their sweatpants. vapid. again i say vapid. and the women..... they're almost as bad.

what a terrible place to meet people though. not that i haven't tried. but no matter how hard i ran on that damned treadmill, i just couldn't catch up to the woman in front of me to utter some magical sentence like 'haven't we met some where before?' ok... best i could think of whilst having no blood near my head, trying not to drool or have a heart attack, and still look cool.