a portishead day....

you may have started to notice i'm inconsistent with my posting..... (which is better than incontinent.) i try not to write when i have nothing to say - i don't want to repeatadly whine about the same things (although i realize i do occasionally). so i'll make some observations, and then may just disappear again for a bit.

inconsistent. tired. anti-social. burnt out. melancholy. verging on depressed. introverted. unhappy.

somehow when portishead came on it fit the mood just right. discordant. melancholy. longing.

i sit here catching up on reading some blogs - shining point of light - like stars in the night sky. but i only feel the distacne. cold and empty.

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the major project i was roped into is supposed to wrap up and go fully active today, but i am left with a foreboding feeling that it will carry on as part of my responsibilities for a long time. it was enough to make me think about driving past work and out to the mountains. i started to get that feeling, like in pushing tin, but the price of gas is too high - so i just came in to work.

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people are funny. not funny ha ha. funny. weird.

i've pretty much given up being helpful. it's not appreciated. it's almost violently opposed. i was in the meat section of safeway yesterday - the meat guy was repacking some hamburger for me as they only had the family size mega portion of lean ground. some woman with a kid comes up, starts hunting through the hamburger. the kid, i'd say around 2, is acting up like a 2 year old who doesn't want to be there. she obviously isn't finding what she's looking for - and she keeps checking the sales special tag which advertises the lean ground on special. so i mention the butcher is bringing more out. maybe, just maybe that was the wrong department to casually mention something to someone of the opposite sex. the look i got.... like i was tyring to blow smoke up her skirt or something. sheesh....



or better yet - i noticed someone walking, just happened to glance their way as they shoved something in their mouth. it looked like a two bite brownie. never gave it any thought. so.... she looks at me and says "i know, i'm probably the only one who eats donuts on the way to the gym to work out." i can only assume it was justification due to guilt....

i give up. i'm going back into hiding until my mood improves.

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image: http://gammatron.novarese.net/2003/06/28.html