resumes..... (or stab myself in the eye with my pen)

my boring blogging of recent holidays will continue shortly, but tonight i spent over 4 hours going through a couple inches (literally) of hundreds of resumes for 2 job positions. joe, my friend, my heart goes out to you. i can't believe you do this shit for a living. by the end of it i wanted to stab myself in the eyes. but it did inspire this post.

some were interesting. there was one from someone who is brilliant. literal genius. mensa member. and almost impossible to read. not illegible, just made you work at it. the guy either has a sense of humour beyond the reach of the average man, or possibly doesn't understand why with such credentials formatting would be important.

trust me, it is. so i've put together a list of things you should think about. here are some things i think you should consider. i being someone who has to read through a crap load of resumes and is not a human resources person. ergo has other job duties that need to be done. yes, some of these may be "small" things, but trust me - when i hit resume number 150, it's enough to hit the automatic NO pile.

where i work, the manager, supervisor, and usually at least one person who works in the area is involved in the interview along with our human resources representative. all of these people (except oddly enough the hr person) goes through the resumes. in my case this is likely because information technology is an area that is.... well.... fairly technical. i can only assume that the hr person feels they are best qualified to concentrate on personal or general areas regarding potential candidates.

just in case you happen to be wondering how my mind works on these things: the last stack of resumes i went through, were sorted into:

• yes. definite short list.
• maybe. will re-review.
• meh. your resume didn't breathe enough of a spark to register.
• bwa-ha-ha-ha. your resume registered all right. for the wrong reasons.

this time is was "yes" and "meh". maybe i'm getting cynical. maybe i'm betting a better feel for the process. maybe i just prefer to spend my weekends with my family instead of plowing through whatever it was you sent in.

so.... here's my tips. in no order of preference or offense.

• don't fax the resume. they're fuzzy and harder to read than everyone else's. if you can't mail it (on decent quality paper) they likely have an e-mail address. our human resources department faithfully prints off your document, and attaches your submitting e-mail as the first page.
• if submitting by e-mail, keep in mind i may be seeing that e-mail as the first page. that includes your file titles, and e-mail address. as well as any stupid ass e-mail sig that you have. so "suckup.doc" is not a good cover letter file name. "jesus saves, allah forgives, cthulhu thinks you'd make a nice sandwich." probably not the best thing to have at the bottom of your mail. and for the hell of it, use a decent sounding e-mail address.
  
• if i'm hiring, say, a screwdriver turner - and you've got 20 years experience as a network administrator - why would you think i'd really consider you? you obviously a) are burnt out b) are totally useless/were just fired and are desperate c) are looking to fast track into the company and move up quickly. newsflash: i don't want to have to replace you again in 6 months, so i'm not going to interview you in the first place. don't make me waste paper and time on your resume.
• why would you list a web browser as software you're experienced on? i mean, hello?! sure.... they can cause issues and need to be configured, but seriously...
  
• does noting you are "a member of a visible minority." really work? first of all, your name probably indicates that already. secondly, so what? if you're not qualified, i'm not interested. if you are qualified, you just irritated me enough to drop your resume into the shredder.
• use consistent formatting. same bullets. same indentation. the same font. at the same size.
  
• read your resume out loud. spell check does not catch really stupid mistakes that are spelled correctly. for instance 'or' when you meant 'of'. it will also help you catch poor grammar, and other such things. if you can't say it easily - there's a problem.
• if you use the phrase "attention to detail" you better have done the two points listed above. or i laugh as i shred your resume.
• don't talk about yourself in the third person on your resume. maybe it's just personal, but i had more third person narrative style resumes this round than i've ever seen. i hated all of you.
• watch your bolding. AND YOUR ALL CAPITALS. if you bold much more than the job title in your cover letter, it makes it harder to read. DITTO ALL CAPS. AND IF YOU WANT TO GET ATTENTION THIS IS THE WRONG WAY TO DO IT. most people will read the cover letter, and general profile sections. it's the best way to get a quick feel. doing the above to make a point in one of the sections most people read will irritate. well, irritate me anyway. I CAN GET AWAY WITH IT HERE BECAUSE IT'S MY BLOG.
• bold however can be acceptable as part of a format (ie: section header, company/job title, etc.)
• make our resume easy to navigate. if i want to see your work experience, don't make me hunt for it - make sure it's easy to find.
  
• spend some time on a cover letter. many people will not look at the resume if the cover letter is either bad, or doesn't exist. it's your chance to sell yourself, and make a summary of pertinent information related to the job. do it. customize it.
• one of my favourites.... "full list of courses and training will be made available on request." if you can't be bothered, neither can i. buh-bye.
• using acronyms and obscure terms is bad. what your company refers to as a 'blidget' may be a 'gizmo' where i work. give some explanation so i know the context. no one knows everything - even within the same field. don't expect me to know (or look up) some title or technical "thing" you assume i should know. i may not. and i'm the guy who's hiring. well, probably not you. not unless you take the time to translate them into a frame of reference i will understand.
• remember sounding confident, and sounding cocky is a really fine line.
• and last but not least.... keep in mind that applying for every position may not be the best strategy. for the two we had posted, i think i had 20+ duplicate resumes. for very different jobs. some of which i remember seeing from the last position i was involved in hiring for. you're starting to look desperate. and you haven't been qualified for anything i've seen you apply for. now you look unqualified/overqualified and desperate.
  

somewhere i have a draft post i started in regards to interviewing. it's from the last two positions i was involved in hiring. i think it'll be time to dust it off after these next two.

time to call it a night. and to review the short list in the morning.

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image: stolen from http://www.e-resume.net/
no affiliation or endorsement. (but if your resume sucks, or you lack people and writing skills they may be worth a look. just remember.... you still have to survive the interview.)