resumes..... (or stab myself in the eye with my pen)

my boring blogging of recent holidays will continue shortly, but tonight i spent over 4 hours going through a couple inches (literally) of hundreds of resumes for 2 job positions. joe, my friend, my heart goes out to you. i can't believe you do this shit for a living. by the end of it i wanted to stab myself in the eyes. but it did inspire this post.

some were interesting. there was one from someone who is brilliant. literal genius. mensa member. and almost impossible to read. not illegible, just made you work at it. the guy either has a sense of humour beyond the reach of the average man, or possibly doesn't understand why with such credentials formatting would be important.

trust me, it is. so i've put together a list of things you should think about. here are some things i think you should consider. i being someone who has to read through a crap load of resumes and is not a human resources person. ergo has other job duties that need to be done. yes, some of these may be "small" things, but trust me - when i hit resume number 150, it's enough to hit the automatic NO pile.

where i work, the manager, supervisor, and usually at least one person who works in the area is involved in the interview along with our human resources representative. all of these people (except oddly enough the hr person) goes through the resumes. in my case this is likely because information technology is an area that is.... well.... fairly technical. i can only assume that the hr person feels they are best qualified to concentrate on personal or general areas regarding potential candidates.

just in case you happen to be wondering how my mind works on these things: the last stack of resumes i went through, were sorted into:

• yes. definite short list.
• maybe. will re-review.
• meh. your resume didn't breathe enough of a spark to register.
• bwa-ha-ha-ha. your resume registered all right. for the wrong reasons.

this time is was "yes" and "meh". maybe i'm getting cynical. maybe i'm betting a better feel for the process. maybe i just prefer to spend my weekends with my family instead of plowing through whatever it was you sent in.

so.... here's my tips. in no order of preference or offense.

• don't fax the resume. they're fuzzy and harder to read than everyone else's. if you can't mail it (on decent quality paper) they likely have an e-mail address. our human resources department faithfully prints off your document, and attaches your submitting e-mail as the first page.
• if submitting by e-mail, keep in mind i may be seeing that e-mail as the first page. that includes your file titles, and e-mail address. as well as any stupid ass e-mail sig that you have. so "suckup.doc" is not a good cover letter file name. "jesus saves, allah forgives, cthulhu thinks you'd make a nice sandwich." probably not the best thing to have at the bottom of your mail. and for the hell of it, use a decent sounding e-mail address.
  
• if i'm hiring, say, a screwdriver turner - and you've got 20 years experience as a network administrator - why would you think i'd really consider you? you obviously a) are burnt out b) are totally useless/were just fired and are desperate c) are looking to fast track into the company and move up quickly. newsflash: i don't want to have to replace you again in 6 months, so i'm not going to interview you in the first place. don't make me waste paper and time on your resume.
• why would you list a web browser as software you're experienced on? i mean, hello?! sure.... they can cause issues and need to be configured, but seriously...
  
• does noting you are "a member of a visible minority." really work? first of all, your name probably indicates that already. secondly, so what? if you're not qualified, i'm not interested. if you are qualified, you just irritated me enough to drop your resume into the shredder.
• use consistent formatting. same bullets. same indentation. the same font. at the same size.
  
• read your resume out loud. spell check does not catch really stupid mistakes that are spelled correctly. for instance 'or' when you meant 'of'. it will also help you catch poor grammar, and other such things. if you can't say it easily - there's a problem.
• if you use the phrase "attention to detail" you better have done the two points listed above. or i laugh as i shred your resume.
• don't talk about yourself in the third person on your resume. maybe it's just personal, but i had more third person narrative style resumes this round than i've ever seen. i hated all of you.
• watch your bolding. AND YOUR ALL CAPITALS. if you bold much more than the job title in your cover letter, it makes it harder to read. DITTO ALL CAPS. AND IF YOU WANT TO GET ATTENTION THIS IS THE WRONG WAY TO DO IT. most people will read the cover letter, and general profile sections. it's the best way to get a quick feel. doing the above to make a point in one of the sections most people read will irritate. well, irritate me anyway. I CAN GET AWAY WITH IT HERE BECAUSE IT'S MY BLOG.
• bold however can be acceptable as part of a format (ie: section header, company/job title, etc.)
• make our resume easy to navigate. if i want to see your work experience, don't make me hunt for it - make sure it's easy to find.
  
• spend some time on a cover letter. many people will not look at the resume if the cover letter is either bad, or doesn't exist. it's your chance to sell yourself, and make a summary of pertinent information related to the job. do it. customize it.
• one of my favourites.... "full list of courses and training will be made available on request." if you can't be bothered, neither can i. buh-bye.
• using acronyms and obscure terms is bad. what your company refers to as a 'blidget' may be a 'gizmo' where i work. give some explanation so i know the context. no one knows everything - even within the same field. don't expect me to know (or look up) some title or technical "thing" you assume i should know. i may not. and i'm the guy who's hiring. well, probably not you. not unless you take the time to translate them into a frame of reference i will understand.
• remember sounding confident, and sounding cocky is a really fine line.
• and last but not least.... keep in mind that applying for every position may not be the best strategy. for the two we had posted, i think i had 20+ duplicate resumes. for very different jobs. some of which i remember seeing from the last position i was involved in hiring for. you're starting to look desperate. and you haven't been qualified for anything i've seen you apply for. now you look unqualified/overqualified and desperate.
  

somewhere i have a draft post i started in regards to interviewing. it's from the last two positions i was involved in hiring. i think it'll be time to dust it off after these next two.

time to call it a night. and to review the short list in the morning.

----
image: stolen from http://www.e-resume.net/
no affiliation or endorsement. (but if your resume sucks, or you lack people and writing skills they may be worth a look. just remember.... you still have to survive the interview.)

the vacation...... part 2wo

long. probably close to the length of day 1ne.
(let me know if these need to be shorter and i'll go day by day instead).

part 2wo: vancouver to the border. photos all over the place. two short videos hosted at youtube.com (i linked rather than bog your browser with loading video on top of the too many photos.)

day 6ix: so, umm... where was i? oh yes, picked up the car and rolled into vancouver around noon.

and to be honest, it was new westminster, south-east of the whole "greater vancouver" area. we managed to find our way through the street systems and arrive unscathed at our friends place, where we visited for a couple of hours and made plans for the next day.

interested in our friend? he's better known as "litotes" in his blog. feel free to stop on by and watch how his mental state unravels. truly frightening at times.

at his suggestion, we sought lodging at a location recommended by someone he knows. the dutch dog. a quaint european styled bed and breakfast located in a historic house. selling point?
A formal dining room features a full, gourmet breakfast daily, served by your Host, Rose Nadon, herself a graduate of the famous Dubrulle Culinary Art and Hotel Institute.

let me tell you, sleeping in a king size ‘heavenly bed’ series pillow top, and eating a gourmet breakfast cooked by a classically trained french chef was one of the highlights of the trip. and the price was extremely reasonable. if this sounds like i'm endorsing this place, you're right. i am. highly. she was fabulous. the place was fabulous. the food was fabulous.

anyway... after setting up 'home' in the dutch dog we headed out to see the capilano suspension bridge. this is in essence, a bridge that goes nowhere. "vancouver's oldest tourist attraction, originally built in 1889, stretches 450 feet (137m) across and 230 feet (70m) above capilano River." why? it seemed pretty cool. they have a haida, first nations cultural living exhibit, some great history displays, the bridge, largest private collection of totem poles, and the treetop adventure walk "seven suspension bridges through the evergreens taking you up to 100 feet (30m) above the forest floor." plus in all the times we've been to van, we'd never been there.




the bridge is long, and high, and moves. there were a fair number of people who came with others, and refused to cross. it was quite the view of the canyon from the bridge.



if you're interested in how bad the motion is, i shot some short video - the quality isn't great, but you get a good idea. (click here to view) and remember, i am not moving. your medication just wore off.

the treetop adventure walk was pretty good as well, though not as long or as high as i had hoped. still a lot of fun. there are a couple places in north america that have 'canopy' walks, which is what i was hoping for, but not really expecting.




day 7even: the next day we met with our friend and his 4 1/2 year old and headed out to stanley park for the day. we spent most of our time at the aquarium and managed to catch the show for the beluga whales, and the dolphins. there's some beautiful salt water fish in the exhibits here. however the one i really wanted to see, the jellyfish exhibit was closed for a major remodel.

want to see the dolphin do a trick?
click here

how could i forget the lovable sea otter?

a trip around stanley park also brought us to the display of totem poles. not to mention the reams of tourists posing. busloads of them. i think i got more photos of people posing than i managed to get of the totem poles.

on the way home, we stopped and spent some time at the beach and the sea wall near stanley park. let me know if you see anything strange with the one building in the area (yes, it's real).





the trip home also took us by the famous "la casa gelato". home of over 508 flavours of gelato, including garlic, pear/blue-cheese/gorgonzola, fig, pumpkin/walnut, apple pie, and more than you could think possible. samples to help you decide are free and plentiful. the pear/blue-cheese/gorgonzola was good, but a little more than i was looking for that afternoon so i went with the fig in the end. great gelato.

the day wound down with dinner and long hours of visiting. we headed back to the b&b for the night.

day 8ight: we got up, packed, loaded the car and then ate a fabulous breakfast. it may have topped the breakfast of the first day.

we hit the highway taking the 99 down to the border at peace arch. the border crossing was fairly smooth. although i am a little disappointed. after seeing this sign, i expected everything to be accessible just beyond the border. who knew the country was that big? we managed to find the pointy thing on the right side, but the rest... no where near this sign. bastards. i curse your false advertising.


the border agent's primary questions were the standard. where you from. where are you headed. purpose of your visit. what are you bringing across. apparently sneaking this last question in catches large numbers of people. drugs. doh! i mean... come on, does that really work?

i was well behaved and bit my tongue to refrain from making stupid comments that would land me in trouble. although i had to laugh as we left the place....

while the interrogation was quick, we lost too much time waiting in the line up for any kind of hump that day. of course, this may have been advertised falsely as well.

and so ends the saga of terrible long prose, many many photos (i thinned, really) and bad video footage. i'll cover the gourmet breakfasts in another post if anyone is interested.

if anyone needs me.....

....i'll be having a coffee :)

the vacation.... (short & medium version)

in consideration of grant, who is currently working too hard to keep up with his blog list (and i freely admit i haven't been able to catch up on all your blogs since i went on holidays either.)

the short version:

• took some time off work
• used 3 days to get ready for the trip
• drove to vancouver
• drove to seattle
• drove home
• had 5 more days off
• relaxed. got sick
• back to work.

the medium version:

• took some time off work.
• used 3 days to get ready for the trip.
• dropped the young'un off at the grandparents. yes.... they knew it was going to be about 10 days.
  
• drove to vancouver to see a couple friends out there, since it's been about 4 years since i've seen them. got caught up on some stuff, and met their son (again, but 4 years makes a lot of difference). went to see the capilano suspension bridge, spent the day at stanley park - mostly at the vancouver aquarium. had a lovely dinner.
  
• only spent a couple days in vancouver, then we headed on down to seattle. dropped into hardwick's hardware, half price books, seattle centre (which has the space needle, science center, emp, and sci-fi musuem/hall of fame) and pike place market.
• drove home.
  
• had 5 more days off.
• relaxed. got sick.
• back to work.

long version follows:

the vacation...... part 1ne

the long version, with photos.

part 1ne: home to vancouver. photos are at the end.

summary: 9 days. 3,000 km (1 864 miles for some of you). 5 hotels. 1 b&b. 4 mediocre continental breakfasts. 1 decent continental breakfast. 2 superb breakfasts. many on the run fast food meals. 2 overpriced restaurant meals. 6 safeway lunches. 2 digital cameras. 820 assorted photos & videos.

so, here we go. imagine finally booking time off work, after 9 grueling months of grindstone, overtime, nightmare projects, and some of what they hired you to do..... you now have 16 days of complete freedom (including weekends of course).

day 1ne: so the car goes in and gets a pretty thorough once over before heading out since it's a road trip. i believe i whined about some of this in a previous post so a summary: 4 new tires, complete brake job, new water pump, some rad work, alignment, new alternator, and a couple misc. things. $2000 later, we're good to go. kal-tire is where i had the work done (with the exception of buying the tires). remember this. it's important later.

day 2wo/3hree: not much happens. spend some time with the young'un. figure out what needs to go on said road trip. prep and pack. drop off the young'un with the in-laws and spend some time visiting.

day 4our: head out on the road. get an early start. right after physio for the old shoulder. everything runs late, as the office screwed up the booking. eventually get out and hit the road - only losing a couple of hours. no big deal, as we're not really in a hurry. there's some stuff we want to see, but we've got lots of time. so we opt to go fairly scenic in our drive to vancouver and take the no 1 highway west through the roger's pass, and then to the 3a down through the okanagan valley in b.c. (not to be confused with the okonogan area of washington.)

travel tip: if you're not in a hurry, and are looking at spending some time in small town antique stores and the like, DO NOT travel on a monday. you would be amazed how many small towns still close down on sunday/monday.

the no 1 highway, being the major east/west highway across canada isn't exactly the most meandering of highways, but it still has some fabulous scenery. you start driving west across the praries, and move into the foothills, finally entering the rocky mountains. somewhere in the midsts of hours of mountain driving, you cross into bc (which is pretty much mostly mountains.)

turning off the no 1 highway and heading south down the 3a brings you onto a secondary highway that is even more scenic, with a twisting road that follows the mountain shoulder, minimal guardrails, and a dramatic view that falls hundreds of feet into the valley below you. lakes and rivers seem to have no end amidst the pine and aspen forests. it's hard to drive some of these hairpin turns and look at the scenery - and yet somehow it's hard not too. (and lest you think we're insane up here, the guardrails are on the sharp turns. we're not stupid, eh.) while the scenery is fabulous on these twisty mountain roads, there are few places to pull over to take photos since there are often no shoulders. rest areas are often hours apart, and the best you can do is an emergency pullout area not much bigger than your car. photos "on the road" through the mountains are not many due to these issues (and having driven this area many times previously).

bc has a somewhat unique structure for most of their towns. because most towns are located in valleys, they tend to be long and thin - often following the highway for a time, but sometimes only being a couple of blocks deep. this of course depends on the size of the valley and town.

the first day was mostly driving due to a late start, and the fact that small towns still close on mondays. it saw us through banff, into kootenay national park, yoho national park, through golden, into glacier national park, mt. revelstoke national park, revelstoke, sicamous, by the spiral tunnels, and onto the 3a into the okanogan valley, mara lake, enderby, armstrong (where they make armstrong cheese - tours available), spallumcheen, vernon, oyama, and finally into winfield where we spent the night at a super 8 motel.

ah yes, winfield - i remember staying there on vacation as a kid with the family once, 20 some years ago. dad had gotten tired of towing the tent trailer through the mountains, so they booked a motel with a kitchenette for the week. it advertised a pool. so imagine our surprise when we arrived, and they had filled the pool just the month before. i looked for the motel as we drove into the town, and was pleased to see it just freshly bulldozed, bulldozer still on-site.

guess i forgot to mention bc is not just mountains, trees, rivers and lakes. for the most part, the rest of it is a national park if there's no city or town nearby. and if you think the names here are funny, you should try a map of newfoundland. i'll also mention the okanagan area is known for it's fruit orchards, wineries, and ogopogo (the elusive relative of the loch ness monster said to inhabit the waters of okanagan lake.)

day 5ive: as the day dawned, i had my first complimentary continental breakfast from a super 8 motel, and pondered what i had done to deserve stale bagels and weak coffee for the price i paid. actually, to be honest - there wasn't a super 8 we stayed at that the room wasn't clean, and the service wasn't good to exceptional. the breakfasts over the week varied from location to location, but on the whole were "reasonable" for muffin, danish, cereal, bagel with coffee/tea/juice style breakfasts. we ate 'em because they were included for free - and i would likely have grabbed a bagel from safeway anyhow.

back into the car, and on the road into kelowna where things were open (being tuesday, and a pretty major town). picked up a couple items, and spent too much time - so back on the road to try and hit vancouver by end of day. through peachland, summerland (home of summerland syrup/fruit products - tours available during the summer season), pentiction, the hope slide, kalmeden, olalla, keremeos, hedley (had to go through hedley, one of my favourite bands named themselves after this town), princeton, hope, and into the 'greater vancouver area' chilliwack and abbotsford.

and somewhere between abbotsford and fort langley, as we left a rest stop - a radiator hose developed a leak. at night. in the dark. on a major highway with nothing around. imagine as i watch the light come on, and the engine temperature rise toward the red. stop on the shoulder, and see antifreeze steaming off my engine into the cool night. but luck was with us as we had 6 litres of premixed antifreeze. i opened the empty radiator and refilled it. topped up the reservoir.

and off we went, driving with flasher on. rigs and semis flashing lights and honking at us as we speed down the highway waiting for the luck to run out. radiator light goes on again. temperature starts to climb. look for enough shoulder to pull over on. refill everything again. cross our fingers and pull back into the night traffic - driving with emergency lights on.

what's that? an exit? shit - missed it. have to keep an eye out for the next one. ok.... there it is. and into langley we head, managing to pull in at a service station before we red-line. refill everything with water to get to a mechanic. find a phone. book a motel in the area. try to find a mechanic in the area.

would you believe kal-tire had a location 6 blocks from the service station? would you believe when we pulled in at 8:50pm, someone was just locking up as they were headed home? they re-opened the store to book the car in for the next morning. took the keys. got all the pertinent information. and then he drove us to our hotel. late night dinner at denny's - and it was good.

day 6ix: the morning dawns with the realization that we have a half dead car in the shop. so we call about an hour after they opened. they've already been in touch with the location i had do the work, and have diagnosed the issue. it's in the works to be repaired - and they're just waiting on the part. should be an hour or so. grab the lamest breakfast of our stay from the travelodge we're in, and call a cab.

this was the most interesting cab i've ridden in. the driver shows up, and heads inside where he proceeds to ignore us (his fare) and grab a cup, and paw through the complimentary guest breakfast. he then realizes we're standing by the cab waiting, and heads back out. he opens the back door, and gets into the front of his cab, reaches over, and hits the meter. we pile our luggage in through the one open door, get in and close the door. he takes off - headed to the back of the hotel, where he meanders through the parking lot, and around the block to get headed to our destination. he proceeds to meander the longest way of traveling between the two locations, with a punjabi radio station blaring at top volume for the trip. we finally arrive. he pulls up. we all sit there. i finally get tired of waiting - and open the door. he reaches over and turn the meter off. we hand him money, which he drops into his pocket with no change forthcoming. we exit, hauling our own luggage out. as he pulls out and leaves, we realize he never signaled. ever. and i have no idea of his cab company's name. guess i won't be complaining.

after a short wait, the car is deemed ready. a bill for a new radiator cap and small hose is presented. i pay $27 and we're back on the road. labour covered under warranty. 193 locations across canada. tough to go wrong with that kind of service.

we hit new westminster where our friend lives right about noon.

to be continued....

rest stop on the no 1 highway, probably
somewhere in the yoho national park.

odd rock formations on
the side of the highway

rock formation on the side of the
highway at the spiral tunnels

i wanted to buy some new antiques,
but like most small towns, they
were closed since it was monday

rogers pass, park information centre

rogers pass

my vote for ugliest hotel in the rockies
(i don't think i've ever gotten the name of
this place in all the times i've driven by it.)

train sheds. built to keep the
tracks clear during avalanche season.

calm, quiet, peaceful mara lake

calm, quiet, peaceful mara lake

(all images copyright 2006 - any use by an party other than myself must be approved. if you want to use them, please make your request in the comments section. don't be a dink and steal it, ask nicely.)

a short delay....

for those of you wondering about how my first day back was.....
(i wouldn't want my reader dying of suspense now, would i?)

i have been able to put off my return to work an additional two days.

of course, i had to do it by coming down with the world's worst cold.

it always seems that when you're under stress, and finally get some time off to relax, invariably you wind up sick. seems that a vacation that is a "road trip" and relax do not really belong in the same sentence.

ah well..... tomorrow is another day.
unfortunately, a work day..... but still better than unemployed.

--
p.s. doug asked a good question last post that will become a full post shortly. however..... the vacation with some accompanying photos will be dealt with first :)

calm before the storm.....

i sit here, the night before i return to work after two weeks holidays, and i wonder......

what the hell am i thinking?

of course i don't want to go back.

deep breath. no need for a panic attack tonight. it's pointless. the bastards can't touch me until i walk through the doors tomorrow.