credit....

there's something very very wrong with north america, and it's credit card companies.


for years, as an employed individual, i couldn't even get a sears card. for a lark, when i was an unemployed student i signed up for yet another try (i actually wanted the free gift to be honest.)

lo and behold, i received my card shortly. with one card, other cards were easy to get. enter a bmo (bank of montreal - before they changed their branding to something that sounds suspiciously like bowel movement).

i cranked that puppy up in no time. by the time the 'must phone the bank' flag came up on a purchase, i was over the limit by double! they cut the card. so i went and paid it off in full the next day. didn't affect my credit rating - as i was never overdue on a payment.

a couple years later, they decided they had to have me back. i signed up. my mom decided a credit rating was a necessity - so she signed up too. they screwed up. they had me married to my mother. mom was listed as employed at my father's job. my dad had all his credit cards cancelled - as they were duplicates according to their system. got it all straightened out.

all of my student loans were at royal bank - so i got me one of them visa cards they offer. been a decent card. signed up for another master card, and an american express too.

post student time, when the loans came due - i paid off and cancelled them. it was too scary having 4+ active cards. kept the visa, and the amex (as the others are not accepted at costco). i still remember having bmo send me a statement for $0.32 of 'interest charge' for 6 months before i realized they would continue to spend $0.50 for postage, and aprox $2.00 for the statement every month until i caved.

ever wonder where your service charges go to?

so, like most people - when you have one card - every credit card company on the planet sends you pre-approved applications. hell - i even get them from companies where i have one of their cards.

one day, i took a page from my father's book. he used to stuff all the junk mail he could back into the pre-paid postage envelopes they included to send it back on their dime. sort of a "message" i guess.

mbna mastercard sent me one too many applications. i took a large black felt. wrote something inspired like "stop sending me this crap. i don't want your f**king card!" in the details section. folded it as bulky as i could, and stuffed it into their pre-paid envelope.

3 weeks later, my card from them arrived. seriously. it became obvious to me they must have some id number on the envelope linked to the person in their database. they don't open them - they assume any envelope back must be an application.

i never used it. never called to have it activated. $5,500 in unwanted credit limit sat there. i shredded the card. meant to cancel it, never got around to it. for 5 years, i have received replacement cards on an inactive, unused account like clockwork.

today, i finally got around to cancelling it. "what can i do for you today?" i was asked, once i got through 10 minutes of press 1, press 2, stand on your head whilst humming the national anthem (do you know which country this card is issued from?). i got tired and hit 0. it usually punches through the menu to an operator instantly. "what can i do to help you with your platinum plus account today?" "kill it. cancel it. i want it gone." "what? i don't think i understand your request."

oh boy.... how do you say it clearer than that? "never wanted it. didn't apply for it. it's never been activated or used. i want this account closed."

i got put on hold while they found a senior account representative. same song and dance. and then they tried to tell me i "had to have applied at one time". she didn't seem amused. actually, i got lectured as to how they can't cancel the account if i'm just shredding everything i receive from them. i bluntly told her i wasn't stupid. and reiterated my 'application' information.

ah, yes.... sweet release. i'm free! free!
well, except for the visa, and the amex, and the morgage, and......