oh lord....

[rant]*

god help me. or maybe that should be god help my family and friends.

for most of my life, i have always tried to do the right thing - especially with other people. this often means i have ignored what i wanted. or needed. but to be honest, mostly wanted.

this means i've been a "good person". a gentleman. i won't say a prince, or a king, or a dupe. but i've never taken advantage of a situation, or especially of a person at a time when they were vulnerable.

i'm not a saint. but i do try and listen. to turn the other cheek. to be gentle. supportive. nurturing. an approach many people do not.

i don't believe the grand gesture resolves everything when you have missed all the small things that are really important. i don't believe i should have to ask you for something you borrowed. i don't think i should have to nag about something if you made the offer.

so.... i'm starting to call a spade a spade.

you made an offer with strings. my reply? no thanks, i don't do offers with strings - that's not an offer. you backpedaled. ok, i feel a little guilty that i probably hurt your feelings when you meant well - but that often makes it worse because it shows just how thoughtless you are.

you say something like "I guess what I am seeking most of all is your accepting the situation and getting on with our lives". my reply? get over yourself - it's obvious after 10 years you are the only one who can't let go.....

empowering? hell yah.

good? errr.... probably not..... but for now, i'm flinging some shit back - because frankly i'm tired of your expectations that i'll shovel it for you, or just put up with it.

i love you all, but at some point you can just kiss my ass.

[/rant]

* not directed at any of my readers, as i a) have better communication with any of you than my own family, and b) have none