gethsemane...

no, i have not fallen off the face of the earth, although i came close. however at the last second, just before breaking free i thought to myself "what would newton do in this situation?" ah yes.... gravity. it's not the fall that hurts, it's the sudden stop.

life has been crazy. and i mean crazy. i'm just about having a stroke at work these days.

today is fiscal year end. i'm getting e-mail from people who are dissapointed the item they ordered 3 days ago can't be here in time to be paid for from this years budget. i had an order show up at 7:30 am, with a desperate plea for the item to be here for cutoff today at noon. somehow, we actually managed to get that one. somehow, every year, we manage to fulfill almost every stupid request made over a month after the official cutoff. this year, i think i had 2 i couldn't fulfill.

it was the "i'm very disappointed" e-mail that made me laugh so hard i cried. like it was my fault? i doubt she was impressed when i responded "i don't make it, i don't ship it, and i didn't order it late." yes, i'm aware that is a clm (career limiting move). i don't play politics unless it's under pain of death, so i'm already doomed.

to top it off? i'm attempting to implement a new help desk ticket system. hopefully revamp the policies and procedures. and now that i'm ready to move forward? management is on holidays for the next 2 months. makes me glad i cancelled my summer holidays so i could get this done.
oh yes, and i now have 3 help desk positions, and one warm body to fill it when our busiest time of the year launches.

but wait.... it gets better......
heh heh... just kidding. it doesn't get better.

it becomes the standard tale of no communication, of managers not providing the help you need to do your job, never mind to do it right. of a lack of agreement, and no direction. of politics and personal favours being more important than doing it right.

i can't wait for the day someone tries to point a finger at me in blame for the cluster f*ck that's coming. that's the day i smile brightly, politely say 'FUCK YOU' and head down to Human Resources for a chat. Maybe I should chat with my staff association first..... i don't feel too worried, i don't believe i have ever seen a person fired from here. especially when they deserve it.

i don't think it's going to matter. i will have hit the point where i can't stay.

maybe it really does get better.....

i will be making some time again. it's become painfully obvious that anything i do is really moot here.

she's dead jim....

damnit jim, she's dead....
i'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.

all hail the chocolate monkey.

but she's dead. think of it as an alter-ego experiment that didn't work.

not that it went wrong. for some reason, when i started bloggin, i thought i would seperate some of it. i wasn't in a great place at the time.

but then i began to realize, i'm not that person. i don't like that person. and it takes a huge amount of energy to "be" that person. and i have better things to put it to.

sure.... had some fun. said some nasty things. didn't fool anybody other than myself.

i feel a lot more 'in touch' with myself these days, and no longer have any fear about just speaking my mind. it's all who i am. i just prefer not to focus on 'that'. it was stupid. i apologize.

there were a couple ok things i put up that had sat around waiting, either in my head or on a bulletin board for years.....

merely looking - a clipping from my bulletin board, dating back to college days (12 years)
on masturbation - a discourse that went through my head back in highscool 20+ odd years ago.

the rest, is well.... crap. again, sorry folks.... and having got that off my chest, i feel much better.....

There is no light at the end of the tunnel,
only a pack of matches handed down
from one generation to the next.
Humanity does not have a long fuse
and this generation holds the last match.

JonArno LawsonBad news, in The Noon Whistle,
1996

---
image: Sheryl's Star Trek Site - Memorial to DeForest Kelley

hands up.....

ok everyone....
all of you.... hands up....

who here finds my lack of capitals annoying?
or at the least, hard to read.

see that there comment button - come on and use it.
love it?
hate it?
don't much care?

feedback people....

( NOT THAT I'M GOING TO SWITCH TO ALL CAPS...... and no comments on bad grammer or spelling please. that's a whole other issue. and yes, i know the content is meh.)

a brief respite....

ran into a glitch during the system build (bios update went horribly, horribly wrong - leaving me with a computer that would beep a sad tune, but do nothing.) funny - i didn't realize you could hear people cringe over the internet.

so, to amuse myself, i present 2 quotes from tom robbins book, even cowgirls get the blues.....

"...on the other hand, if such an approach, was, like religion, merely a camouflage system created to modify experience in order to make life more tolerable - another exercise in escapism festooned with mystec crepe - then one had no choice but to conclude that mankind was a royal fuck-up. despite our awesome potential; despite the presence among us of the most extraordinary enlightened individuals, operating with intelligence, gentleness and style; despite a plethora of achievements that no other living creatures have come within a billion light-years or equaling, we were on the verge of destroying ourselves, internally and externally, and of taking the entire planet with us, crumpled in our tight little fists, as we shoot down the shit-chute to oblivion."

"this sentence is made of lead (and a sentence of lead gives a reader an entirely different sensation from one made of magnesium.) this sentence is made of yak wool. this sentence is made of sunlight and plums. this sentence is made of ice. this sentence is made from the blood of the poet. this sentence was made in japan. this sentence glows in the dark. this sentence was born with a caul. this sentence has a crush on norman mailer. this sentence is a wino and doesn't care who knows it. like many italic sentences, this one has mafia connections. this sentence is a double cancer with pisces rising. this sentence lost its mind searching for the perfect paragraph. this sentence refuses to be diagrammed. this sentence ran off with an adverb clause. this sentecne is 100 percent organic; it will not retain a facsimile of freshness like those sentences of homer, shakespear, goethe et al., wich are loaded with preservatives. this sentence leaks. this sentence doesn't look jewish. . . this sentence has accepted jesus christ as it's personal saviour. this sentence one spit in a book reviewer's eye. this sentence can do the funky chicken. this sentence has seen too much and forgotten too little. this sentence is called “speedoo” but its real name is mr. earl. this sentence may be pregnant, it missed its period. this sentence suffered a split infinitive – and survived. if this sentence had been a snake you'd have bitten it. this sentence went to jail with clifford irving. this sentence went to woodstock. and this little sentence went wee wee wee all the way home. this sentence is proud to be a part of the team here at even cowgirls get the blues. this sentence is rather confounded by the whole damn thing.”

(and for anyone wondering, i managed to recover. geek here: how does one recover from a total cf of a bios update? i was lucky - it updated successfully, just happened to be the wrong bios. and yes, i grabbed it from the right website, for the correct motherboard. first time in 12 years. anyway..... here's the deal.... you find a duplicate main board, loosen the bios chip, and lightly press it back in. boot off the good system - once you boot past the bios, you pull the good chip out and then hotswap the bad one in. reflash the bad chip, reset the cmos. power down and switch the chips again. yes - it does work. yes - it scared the sh*t out of me. more details? )

freeware (missed)....

sorry - as i rebuild a system this weekend, i will continue to add additional utilities i use i forgot to list....

missed two of the most important ones..... free (and very very good) antivirus

avast! - http://www.avast.com/eng/download-avast-home.html
avg - http://free.grisoft.com/doc/1

filezilla - http://filezilla.sourceforge.net/ ftp client
stickies - http://www.zhornsoftware.co.uk/stickies/index.html post it notes

lavasoft adaware - http://www.lavasoft.de/software/adaware/ spyware removal
spybot s&d - http://www.safer-networking.org/ spyware removal and protection
spyware blaster - http://www.javacoolsoftware.com/spywareblaster.html spyware protection
(Note: i use all 3 of the spyware utilities. just one doesn't seem to cut it these days.)

scanner2 - http://www.steffengerlach.de/freeware/ "this tool uses a unique concentric pie chart to display the usage of your hard disk or other media. the chart shows all major files and folders from all directory levels at once. "

---

grant mentioned something in his comment on the previous post, that it's good to keep in mind.
these aren't the be all, end all..... they are free options and alternatives. there are stability issues with some of them, and in the case of firefox - it can't do it all. (specifically because many sites use activeX controls, which firefox won't touch. However, ms made the decision with ie not to support the css standards). firefox really is a better browser grant - especially for speed and safety, but we do run firefox and ie as browsers because it is still necessary.

no software is perfect. you get what you pay for (most times. the above free anti-virus software really is excellent stuff.) free opensource software requires additional work on your part for support or issues.

but..... it's good to keep in mind there are alternatives. and people out there working on innovative ideas they want others involved with. and we all do things differently - so it's good to have a choice.

it's a good thing :)

freeware...

i respect software i pay for, as it often comes with support, upgrades, warranty, and the money you shell out is supposed to indicate usefulness and stability.

however, i am starting to become a fan of what is referred to as opensource software (for those of you unfamiliar with this - it is software whose sourcecode is publicly available, and is developed by teams or groups of people working on it. the code is protected by copyright and licenses. the same licenses also protect the users by keeping it public and free. use of the code, or parts of the code require the end product to be distrubuted under the same licenses the original code was developed under).

let's just say, there's a lot of brilliant people out there, creating free versions of software that cost big bucks. because they think the development model works better. fixes bugs faster. and because they think it should benefit everyone.

anyway.... here are some utilities that i've been using, or have switched to. not all are opensource (most are though), although all of the ones listed here are freeware - at time of listing. (sorry, a although many of these utilities are cross-platform, i am primarily a windows user.)

• firefox - www.getfirefox.com web-broswer, part of the mozilla project
• freemind - http://freemind.sourceforge.net/wiki/index.php/Main_Page mind mapping utility, comparable to mindmanager, etc. having trouble getting organized, working on a project or outline? this thing is fabulous
• task switch xp - http://www.ntwind.com/software/taskswitchxp.html? alt-tab manager (what windows should have, and isn't)
• nvu - http://www.nvu.com/index.php cross platform web authoring.
• pspad - http://www.pspad.com/ universal editor for plain text/coding.
  
• zinf - http://www.zinf.org/ audio player
• google sketchup - http://sketchup.google.com/ easy 3-d modelling (very cool)
• cdburnerxp pro - http://www.cdburnerxp.se/ cd burning software (audio/video in development, but a good general burning program)
• deepburner - http://www.deepburner.com/ another free (for personal use) cd burner package. this one has a usb key/portable edition!
  
• imgburn - http://www.imgburn.com/ cd image burning software (iso, bin, etc)
• open office - http://www.openoffice.org/ office productivity suite (like, well.... office!)
  
• irfanview - http://www.irfanview.com/ fast, small windows graphics viewer
  
• audiograbber - http://www.audiograbber.com-us.net/ windows cd ripper/audio encoder (check out the lame encoder)
  
• colorpic - http://www.iconico.com/colorpic/ windows color picking utility - supports custom color palettes, uses a screen magnifier for precision
  
• dia - http://www.gnome.org/projects/dia/ a program for drawing structured diagrams (think visio style)
  
• the font thing - http://members.ozemail.com.au/~scef/tft.html windows font manager.
• ultravnc - http://ultravnc.sourceforge.net/ remote computer desktop control.
• axcrypt - http://axcrypt.axantum.com/ file encryption for windows
• gimp - http://www.gimp.org/ gnu image manipulation program (think free photoshop. sure, it's not quite as user friendly - but it is almost as powerful)
  
• inkscape - http://www.inkscape.org/ vector graphics editor (think illustrator, or corel)
  
• porta - http://www.stegmann.dk/mikkel/porta/ web photo album generator (uses simpleviewer)
• airtight interactive - puts out a couple extremely cool flash based image viewers gratis. check out simpleviewer, and postcard viewer. porta (see above) is one tool available to help easily create albums, but you can also use picasa, iphoto, or go manual.)

some people...

some poeople come into our lives and quickly go. some people move our souls to dance. they awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdon. some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. they stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.

- flavia weedn

yes, i now feel that it was then on that evening of sweet dreams- that the very first dawn of human love burst upon the icy night of my spirit. since that period i have never seen nor heard your name without a shiver half of delight, half of anxiety. for years your name never passed my lips, while my soul drank in, with a delirious thirst, all that was uttered in my presence respecting you.

-edgar allan poe

today's random thought....

i think the think i hate most about current fashion is that it looks like women keep forgetting to pull up their pants.

treat yourself...

i'm running kind of thin at the moment, but have some better content coming. in the meantime.....

god's debris.
this is an interesting book, written by scott adams (the creator of dilbert).

it's a thought experiment.

and a worthwhile read.

he's giving it away free in e-format (non-commercial use).

check it out.


http://www.andrewsmcmeel.com/godsdebris/

the library has moved.....

for anyone who keeps track of such things.....

i've moved the library posts that must bore y'all to tears to their own location.
same template. just more boring ;)


(it was just so i could keep track of some things because my head is a mess.....)