when hell freezes over

and then.....

2009-05-19T09:07:00.000-06:00

well... they made me laugh.

******************************************

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on the TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

******************************************

My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said,
"Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....

******************************************

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

******************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds...'

I bought her a set of scales.

And then the fight started.....

******************************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started....

******************************************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age... I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office..

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

******************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

******************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started....

******************************************

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect..'

And then the fight started.....

not dead yet.....

2009-04-22T07:30:00.001-06:00

Buddhist Loving Kindness Meditation:
May you be happy
May you be well
May you be free from suffering
May you be safe

Navajo prayer (part of ):
With beauty before me, may I walk.
With beauty behind me, may I walk.
With beauty above me, may I walk.
With beauty below me, may I walk.
With beauty all around me, may I walk.

life is more complicated than usual at the moment - so it hasn't left much extra time.
peace to all of you.

obsession....

2009-01-20T09:18:00.004-07:00

ok... so, if the last one wasn't your thing, how about this?

MONDIAL BCHR WITH BOHEMIAN GLASS NIB

This unusual pen is from Austria. The maker is Mondial, which was an Italian company. These
pens do not often pop up in the US, but in Europe they are not uncommon. The pen is fitted
with an original Bohemian glass nib of very high quality.

Spec Information:

Mondial midsized fountain pen produced late 1920s- early 1930s
Black Chased Hard Rubber, ripple pattern
colour is perfectly black (10/10); very clean pen
chasing is fairly worn, but evenly so
lever fill
fitted with a slip-on clip
clip and lever are nickel-plated (silver-colour)
no brassing on metal parts; very clean
Bohemian glass nib, original, c 1920s-30s, actually made in Bohemia, amber colour
nib is a F/M point
pen is fully restored and glass nib is smoothed

photos by QM2

Lust....

2009-01-07T07:52:00.005-07:00

it's in my heart. and it has been since i first saw her. and not a day has gone by over the past year that i haven't thought of her. and today, i plan on taking her for a test drive, and if she makes me happy, i'll be putting down cold hard cash. if she doesn't make me happy, i'll spurn her forever - i have my eye on another....

so, i guess the real questions are.....

does one need a $550+ pen? no, but one wants his precious.....
$550? Seriously? yup... handmade with loving care. And that's not actually expensive.... a friend of mine bought a Visconti Art Nouveau at $900. The store carries pens up to $3,500 (actually I think they have a couple of $5k-6k pens). I've seen collector pens going at $12,000 USD.
does a pen like this actually write better? actually, yes.... it's supposed to be an amazing nib. Part of the price of more expensive pens is materials and gold nibs.
are you fucking crazy? ummmmm........ what was the question again?

it's on sale for quite a bit less or i wouldn't even consider it. the only problem is.... it's only available in yellow. although the colour sort of appeals to me.

And in case you're wondering about the slightly odd looking pen clip.... each side rotates out, creating a little set of legs that turns it into a stand.

i'll let you know how it goes.....

images from: http://www.nibs.com/OmasEmotica.htm except for the last one, which was borrowed from the Pen Boutique Ltd.

Starving?

2009-01-03T17:29:00.002-07:00

for those of you who are content starved.....

you can live a part of my life vicariously here:
http://mortiseandtenon.blogspot.com/2009/01/galootaclaus-2008.html

coincidences...

2008-12-14T15:19:00.004-07:00

so, i'm working on my christmas cards, and thinking of a friend of mine in l.a. - davidicus - who loves perogies*, but used to have a hell of a time finding them. this led me to a yen for perogies with my dinner, so i made some.

and lo and behold, from the happy little thoughts, came happy little perogies.

not the weirdest moment i've ever had, but amusing (to me) nonetheless.

*perogy, pierogi, pirogi

oh yes.... as a side note - i'm on holidays for about a month. thought i'd have a little more time to ramp up the ol' blogging, but life is busy, so i'm not on a computer much.

Riddle....

2008-11-20T16:50:00.001-07:00

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off', (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and zebra are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

(See comment section for answer)

not for everyone.....

2008-11-13T09:23:00.003-07:00

it's the only thing that's made me laugh so far today, so here is a joke a buddy at work sent me.....
(i'm sure that alone says something about me. it's not for everyone.)

A Priest books into a hotel and says to the receptionist ' I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled...'

She says, 'No sir, it's just regular porn, you sick bastard'

election day.....

2008-11-04T08:22:00.003-07:00

here's both halloween pumpkins. nowhere near as scary as what is going on in the states today.

To all my amurcan friends......

ya... fuck.... i wish all y'all good luck with that.

happy halloween....

2008-10-31T08:05:00.002-06:00

one of the pumpkins i carved with my 4 year old son

your fate is sealed....

2008-10-30T07:56:00.001-06:00

as well as the two german wax seals, i recently picked up another seal. i happened upon it quite by chance, so i see it as fortuitous. i did manage to contact someone who is knowledgeable about these things, and got a rough market value, and some information.

the seal is likely a cast steel stock item, that was then hand engraved by a skilled engraver. the time period estimated for the piece is likely early British Victorian (The Victorian era spanned roughly 1833~1901).

one of these days, i'll bite the bullet and pay to have someone who deals with heraldic symbols to translate this seal - the possible history of it intrigues me. seals were generally used as identification. letters or documents were sealed to prevent/show tampering, and guarantee the identity of the sender. when the owner of a seal died, the seal was generally destroyed as well to prevent (what i guess equates to in these days) identity theft. i imagine they weren't terribly common either, as they were probably fairly expensive to have made, and not really required by the working classes.

i myself wonder if this was for a wedding ban - as it appears to be two family crests hung together by a tied ribbon from a crown, and wreathed by some type of flowering vine.

quite an amazing amount of detail, given that the oval is just over an inch at it's longest point.

in the news....

2008-10-27T22:41:00.003-06:00

this just in... eyewitness photos of a giant troll terrorizing the local trains. stay tuned for details at eleven....

* ok, you got me..... that's pretty much all i have. the troll took a nap - trains ran on schedule unscathed. no mayhem.

going postal....

2008-10-22T10:56:00.005-06:00

wow... i thought the price of gas was bad. i just went to mail a small package (size 1 padded envelope, about 4"x8"x1/2"). i was given 2 prices:

standard mail: $ 3.75
express mail: $ 51.32

i had to have her repeat the second price, as she was trying not to laugh as she said it. makes me wonder, is it hand delivered by someone that looks like this* if you pick option 2?

i mention it only because the difference was so vast i was completely stunned by it. as you can imagine, i sent it regular post. i don't need it delivered in 5-8 business days.... 3-6 weeks suits me just fine, as it rarely ever takes that long between major cities.

heck, even regular mail to a friend in a tiny little town in mexico only takes 4 weeks.

*sorry grant, that was as close to a Jbunny as i could find for this post.

heil history....

2008-10-19T16:29:00.007-06:00

a while back, i picked up a was seal stamp that i thought was quite interesting, and probably not very common. i posted about it, as i was looking for a translation of the high german. my father in-law didn't learn high german, and could only partly translate it.

when i purchased the seal, the place selling it had a second seal, but at the time i didn't have the money (well, still don't but....) and didn't really realize the significance until much later. here is the first seal:

I believe I have mostly tranlated (or figured out) the text:
Staatliches Jahn Gnmnarium in Salzwedel

Staatliches: National
Jahn Gnmnarium: Jahn Gymnasium: Friedrich Ludwig Jahn School
in Salzwedel: Town of Salzwedel

So, this was likely the seal used for the 'National Jahn School in Salzwedel' during the Nazi rule.

the second seal, i later realized when i began looking into translating the first, had the coat of arms for the town of Salzwedel on it. this is what made me realize i should probably go back and buy it and keep the two together. thankfully, it was a not very interesting chunk of brass, and over a year later it was still exactly in the same place. I will mention that this seal does not have a handle, and it appears to have previously been mounted to something that was removed. Hence it is only a square of brass about 1/2" high - and thankfully easy to miss.

Konigl PR Gymnasium Salzwedel

Konigl PR: Royal Priviledged
Gymnasium: School
Salzwedel: Town of Salzwedel

This appears to be the seal that was in use for the 'Royal (Grammar) School - Salzwedel' as it was in 1918 - until renamed Jahn Gymnasium in 1931, and was likely the precursor to the seal above.

I would be more than happy to be corrected by anyone who has better knowledge of such things, as I've relied primarily on Google.

---------------------------------

images were scanned and flipped for readability - they are actually mirror images so that the was seal itself appears as above.

How did they end up in my hands? I bought them from a shop that specializes in military memorabilia and antiques. They were liquidating someone's collection of Nazi memorabilia. How they got them is anyone's guess - but I would imagine at some point, someone decided they were a nice 'souvenir' while they were helping to liberate the town.

---------------------------------

misc notes during researching the above:

Nazi Rise to power: 1925-1933
WWII: 1937-1945

Jahn School History (excerpts):

6th Period National Gymnasium- National Gymnasium Jahn 1918 - 1937

1918 November-Revolution: Royal Grammar School will state humanistic Gymnasium with 9 years of schooling
1931 Naming: Jahn Gymnasium

7th Period Jahn school - State School for boys 1937 - 1945

1937 Converting the state into high school gymnasium for boys with 8 years of schooling
1943 - 1945 Use of students of class from 6 to 8 as an Air Force-Navy assistant helpers at the
1939 - 1945 Second World War - More than 140 former pupils had their lives as victims of World War II

--------------

German Eagle (Wikipedia excerpt): The Nazi party used the traditional German eagle, standing atop of a swastika inside a wreath of oak leaves. When the eagle is looking to its left shoulder, it symbolises the Nazi party, and was called the Parteiadler. In contrast, when the eagle is looking to its right shoulder, it symbolises the country (Reich), and was therefore called the Reichsadler. After the Nazi party came to power in Germany, they forced the replacement of the traditional version of the German eagle with their modified party symbol throughout the country and all its institutions.

--------------

some history of the town of Salzwedel, snipped from wikipedia:

Salzwedel (IPA: [ˈzaltsveːdəl], officially known as Hansestadt Salzwedel, is a town in Saxony-Anhalt, Germany. It is the capital of the district (Kreis) of Altmarkkreis Salzwedel.

The castle of Salzwedel in the Altmark was first documented in 1112. As part of the Margraviate of Brandenburg, the settlement was first mentioned as a town in 1233.

As in other German cities during the time of Nazi Germany under Adolf Hitler, the Jewish segment of the population of the city was systematically disowned and driven out of the city.

In 1943, the Neuengamme concentration camp built a female subcamp in Salzwedel, capable of holding more than 1,000 female prisoners. Eventually more than 3,000 women were held there, both Jews and non-Jews. The guard staff at the camp included sixty SS men and women. One Aufseherin is known today by name, Lieselotte Darnstaedt, who was born in 1908. Darnstaedt also served at Ravensbrück before coming to Salzwedel. On April 29, 1945, the US Army liberated the Salzwedel women's subcamp, and also a men's camp nearby for male non-German political prisoners. They were shocked to find more than ninety corpses of women who had died of typhus, dysentery and malaria. At the beginning of 1945, prior to the arrival of American ground forces, Allied war planes attacked the main train station of Salzwedel, killing 300 people. The US Army eventually turned over control of the city to the Soviet Red Army, causing Salzwedel to eventually become part of the German Democratic Republic.

On November 9, 1989 the East-West German border crossing near Salzwedel was openend, along with East-West border crossings in the rest of the country, allowing East Germans residing in Salzwedel and elsewhere to travel freely to West Germany for the first time since the building of the Berlin Wall. In 1990 Salzwedel received its first democratically elected city government.

yet more freeware....

2008-10-15T22:56:00.000-06:00

Paint.net 3.10: http://www.getpaint.net/
http://www.brandonz.net/projects/zscreen/index.html
http://www.apophysis.org/ - Fractal
http://keepass.info/index.html

just some links to interesting or handy items... nothing mind blowing... more just a reminder for myself when my system crashes and i must rebuild.

Gobble Gobble....

2008-10-13T21:47:00.002-06:00

to my fellow canucks, i wish you all a happy turkey day.

to my american readers, you should hold onto that sentiment until all y'all catch up to us canucks ;)

to everyone else who stops by, i wish you a joyous day of celebration, whatever that may be for.

for sale cheap....

2008-10-09T20:02:00.002-06:00

head on over to e-bay and bid on one of the coolest things I've ever seen.

for sale, cheap... slightly used... only fired once.

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=180295129086

today's post brought to you by.....

2008-10-08T19:15:00.001-06:00

and now a word from our sponsor....

circumlocution
\sir-kuhm-loh-KYOO-shuhn\, noun:

The use of many words to express an idea that might be expressed by few; indirect or roundabout language.

Circumlocution comes from Latin circumlocutio, circumlocution-, from circum, "around" + loquor, loqui, "to speak."

spending money.....

2008-10-03T11:19:00.004-06:00

took wednesday off since the weather was nice, and headed to a small town an hour or so away that has a decent collection of antique stores. i don't usually buy much - prices are, well... antique store prices. but once in a while you find something you either just have to have, or the price is reasonable (because the person doesn't really know what they have).

it's also interesting because you can tell where my current focus is when i head out there by what i've bought. in the past couple of years, it's been tools mostly. this round was something different.

behold:
the Art Deco Swivodex Zephyr Glass Inkwell, with unspillable swivelling base. (mine didn't include the pen, but i've included the image so you get a better sense of it.)

Zephyr American Corp "Swivodex"
Trade mark pats. Pending New York , N.Y.

The price wasn't a steal (it was pretty much the average
of the price I see online for these - $65 CDN)

i also ran across a fountain pen - i'd never heard of the brand, so i walked away, only to spend 3 hours of extra driving to go back the next day ;P

the Globetrotter, by Elysee - slim pen in bright steel with a map of the world applied in 24k gold plate, fine nib in 14k gold, 1992-c1997.

The company had a short history, but I have yet to read a bad review about these pens - so far i'm very impressed by how nice it is to write with, although perhaps a little slimmer than I'm used to (slightly larger diameter than a pencil or bic stick pen).

1925 Paul Dummert begins making jewelry in Pforzheim, Germany
1980 Élysée brand is created
1991 Staedtler acquires Élysée
2000 Élysée ceases production

infantile.....

2008-09-23T08:45:00.003-06:00

my better half who received this by e-mail didn't think it was funny, nor the fact that I laughed for about half -an-hour..... is this one just a guy thing? anybody?

irony....

2008-09-22T14:15:00.002-06:00

having survived 2 days last week of the nastiest stomach flu i've had in years, i find myself sitting alone, contemplating at work today.

i say alone, because everyone else in my section has called in sick, with..... you guessed it.

there's a subtle irony here, that i just can't appreciate. maybe down the line, but i have my doubts.

** i swear your honour, i didn't know i was contagious - it hit me at 5am.... and i was over it when i came back to work....... damnit.

did you know......

2008-09-18T20:12:00.001-06:00

that refried beans, pretty much look the same going in one end as they do coming out the other?

however, they do:

provide a source of fibre
provide their own propulsion for expulsion

hmmm... perhaps i should have just title this post:

Mexican, perhaps not the best choice for a first meal after a 2 day stomach flu.....

turn of phrase....

2008-09-15T14:53:00.004-06:00

in the movie donnie darko, the character played by drew barrymore has what is referred to by "a famous linguist" as the most beautiful phrase in the english language written on the board.....

cellar door

phrases can catch one unawares by sound, by meaning, by memory....

other phrases that have stayed with me over the years:

unmitigated audacity (Frank Zappa, Don't Eat The Yellow Snow)
Seven Sentences (found item)
cunning stunts (infantile humour)
cunning linguist (also, infantile humour)

donnie darko - definitely worth watching

khrēsmoi

2008-09-11T22:00:00.003-06:00

oracular utterances, called ''khrēsmoi'' in Greek language

got a call today from a friend. they received an email, that stated "you have been infected with a major virus. click here." So they did........

....damned if that e-mail wasn't correct.

they called to thank me for backing up all of their data last night..... looks like i'll be doing a system rebuild on the weekend.

Endymion

2008-09-05T23:12:00.001-06:00

Endymion the shepherd,
As his flock he guarded,
She, the Moon, Selene,
Saw him, loved him, sought him,
Coming down from heaven
To the glade on Latmus
Kissed him, lay beside him.
Blessed is his fortune.
Evermore he slumbers,
Tossing not nor turning,
Endymion the shepherd.

Theocritus

the vacation.....

2008-08-02T20:07:00.002-06:00

was short. but... a couple of amusing memories.....

Matthew is 4

Guess who discovered how to make farting noises by blowing against his forearm?
We had chicken nuggets for lunch at "Mr. Donalds". (Mr. Donald was not at home, but one of his butlers(?) was more than happy to make us lunch and accept our money.)

not so amusing memories.....

the sound a 4 year old's head makes when it bounces on concrete (running, water park, horrified parent who is unable to move faster than light and has a busted time machine).
vomit.

and a teaser quiz.....

Q: What's worse than the smell of a mini-van a 4 year old has thrown up in twice?

A: Same car the next day after sitting closed up in the heat.

back. early....

2008-08-01T20:58:00.002-06:00

can't really bring myself to talk about it yet. here's a hint.

4 year old
vomit
massive volume
spray pattern
van
interior

gone campin'....

2008-07-30T22:41:00.003-06:00

a little tribute to grant in the title there....

off camping for the next couple days. if you're lucky, maybe i'll have something to post when i get back. if you're really lucky, it may even be interesting.

wouldn't that be a nice change ;)

now, don't y'all work yourself up into a frenzy of expectation whilst i'm gone now.

funniest e-mail of the day.....

2008-07-25T08:05:00.002-06:00

the boss is away, so i'm the stand-in whilst he is enjoying holidays.

i received this e-mail today:

subject: sick today
I am feeling well today, and will not be in.

it's either honesty, or cold medication talking there....

favourite reading....

2008-07-16T07:48:00.001-06:00

A couple of posts back, I posted my reading list for the last year (books I thought worth recommending) as well as favourite books...

There were a couple of books I missed that I would add to my 'favourite reads':

Dhalgren - Samuel R Delaney (Not sure if it's in print, or if it's even easy to find in the used book stores these days. Be forewarned, the person who recommended it to me was unable to finish it - as is the same for most people I know. I think I've read it 3 or 4 times. I suggest you flip through it first to get a feel before tossing money down and then cursing me or at lease checking out what they have to say on Wikipedia.)
Hyperion/Fall of Hyperions/Endymion/Rise of Endymion - Dan Simmons
Lee Valley Tool Catalogue (Yup... I read this one cover to cover every year.)

oh lord....

2008-06-17T22:46:00.003-06:00

[rant]*

god help me. or maybe that should be god help my family and friends.

for most of my life, i have always tried to do the right thing - especially with other people. this often means i have ignored what i wanted. or needed. but to be honest, mostly wanted.

this means i've been a "good person". a gentleman. i won't say a prince, or a king, or a dupe. but i've never taken advantage of a situation, or especially of a person at a time when they were vulnerable.

i'm not a saint. but i do try and listen. to turn the other cheek. to be gentle. supportive. nurturing. an approach many people do not.

i don't believe the grand gesture resolves everything when you have missed all the small things that are really important. i don't believe i should have to ask you for something you borrowed. i don't think i should have to nag about something if you made the offer.

so.... i'm starting to call a spade a spade.

you made an offer with strings. my reply? no thanks, i don't do offers with strings - that's not an offer. you backpedaled. ok, i feel a little guilty that i probably hurt your feelings when you meant well - but that often makes it worse because it shows just how thoughtless you are.

you say something like "I guess what I am seeking most of all is your accepting the situation and getting on with our lives". my reply? get over yourself - it's obvious after 10 years you are the only one who can't let go.....

empowering? hell yah.

good? errr.... probably not..... but for now, i'm flinging some shit back - because frankly i'm tired of your expectations that i'll shovel it for you, or just put up with it.

i love you all, but at some point you can just kiss my ass.

[/rant]

* not directed at any of my readers, as i a) have better communication with any of you than my own family, and b) have none

eula....

2008-06-14T09:29:00.004-06:00

Anyone else think that some of the terms of the end-user license agreement on some of the "free" services out there are getting ridiculous?

"...shall exclusively own all now known or hereafter existing rights to the Submissions of every kind and nature throughout the universe and shall be entitled to unrestricted use of the Submissions for any purpose whatsoever, commercial or otherwise, without compensation to the provider of the Submissions."

Not to mention the data tracking, albeit anonymous.... there's a boatload of money in that. Don't let them fool you.

And no, that's not Facebook.... it's MyWebSearch toolbar, who has an eula that refers to separate eula's for services provided by other vendors that are integrated into the toolbar.

At least Google is fairly up front about trying to control the world's data - for good. I think they mean for the responsible use and freedom of access, but their wording makes me think they want full control, forever.

Just a random Saturday morning thought.

note to self....

2008-06-04T16:17:00.002-06:00

Check zoom setting when taking self-portrait with son.

dead trees stuck together

2008-05-14T07:52:00.001-06:00

ok, so as much as i hate to admit it, looking over the books i've read the last year or so there is a lot of fluff and chaff, woodworking or technical. most of them were good, lot's of them were kids books or old classics, but not much that i'd consider life changing, or with serious staying power. so... i've opted not to list the Terry Pratchett, Clive Cussler, Ian Rankin, etc....

here is a list of the books i've read over the last year or so, and found memorable.....

general fiction:

Wicked - Gregory Maguire ('Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister' was good as well).
What Dreams May Come - Richard Matheson
The Rule of Four - Ian Caldwell/Dustin Thomason
The Alchemist - Paulo Coello

skiffy / cyberpunk

Pattern Recognition - William Gibson
The Diamond Age: or, A Young Ladies Illustrated Primer - Neal Stephenson
Islands in The Net - Bruce Sterling
Stranger in a Strange Land - Robert A Henlein

fun:

Lord Vishnu's Love Handles: A Spy Novel (Sort Of) - Will Clarke
Like Water for Chocolate - Laura Esquivel
Half Asleep In Frog Pajamas - Tom Robbins

non-fiction:

McCulloch's Wonder: The Story of the Kettle Valley Railway - Barrie Sanford
Samuri William: The Adventurer Who Unlocked Japan - Giles Milton
A Mapmaker's Dream: The Meditations of Fra Mauro, Cartographer to the Court of Venice - James Cowan

all time favourite:

Illusions - Richard Bach
The Fountainhead - Ayn Rand
Winter's Tale - Mark Helprin
The Cunning Man - Robertson Davies
murther and walking spirits - Robertson Davies
Not Wanted on the Voyage - Timothy Findley
Headhunter - Timothy Findley
Ender's Game - Orson Scott Card (warning: this is the first book in an 8 book series)
A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving

(almost all of Timothy Findley and Robertson Davies work makes my list).

short note re: long post below....

2008-05-13T18:01:00.002-06:00

please feel free to make any recommendations in the comments - i'll collate them into a single post in a bit. thanks.

reading material.....

2008-05-13T08:57:00.003-06:00

looking for a good read?

about once a year, a friend of mine sends out the list of books she's read and recommends, and requests a list of recommendations from others. it's that time of year again, and i recently received her list - so i thought i would put it here for anyone else who is looking for an interesting read (joe).

i haven't made it through all of her lists, but i have read quite a number of her recommendations and enjoyed them thoroughly. ymmv.

following is the 2007 list as recommended by her, then her previous list, followed by the list compiled from friends' recommendations.

i will be posting a list of my recommendations shortly (once i manage to get through the list of what i've read recently).

2007
Books of the Year

Fiction - The Year of Wonders, Geraldine Brooks - Beautiful (She's also the author of one of my all-time favourite non-fiction books, "Nine Parts of Desire")
Non-Fiction - A Scandalous Life, Mary S. Lovell - Brilliant! Best non-fiction 2007

Innovative and Imaginative

Cloud Atlas, David Mitchell - each time I jumped from one story to another I regretted leaving that character, and I kept thinking, "this character's story can't be as good as the last one", but I was mistaken.
Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami
Salmon Fishing in The Yemen, Paul Torday

Made Me Laugh

Restoration, Rose Tremain - what a character!
A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian, Marina Lewycka
Air Babylon, Imogen Edwards-Jones
Morality Play, Barry Unsworth
Little Children, Tom Perrotta

Non-Fiction, Semi-fiction, Historical Fiction

Kitchen Confidential, Anthony Bourdain - also fits under "made me laugh!"
Freakonomics, Steven Levitt & Stephen Dubner - very fun
The Undercover Economist, Tim Harford - goes a bit deeper than "Freak", still very digestible
Leo the African, Amin Maalouf

A Bit of Suspense

The Shadow of the Wind, Carlos Ruiz Zafon - Delicious, and a great quote, "Books are mirrors: you only see in them what you already have inside you".
This Historian, Elisabeth Kostova - absorbing!
The Interpretation of Murder, Jed Rubenfeld

Touching

Water for Elephants, Sara Gruen- it plays like a film in your head, great story!
Never Let Me Go, Kazuo Ishiguro - Haunting
The Lovely Bones, Alice Seabold
Cairo Trilogy, Naghib Mafhouz

Best Re-read

The Mists of Avalon, Marion Zimmer Bradley - why aren't there more books like this!? If you know one, let me know!

Books already lined up for 2008 include some of your previous recommendations:

The God of Small Things, Arundhati Roy
A Winter's Tale, Mark Helprin
Moon Tiger, Penelope Lively
The House of Spirits, Isabel Allende
Such a Long Journey, Rohinton Mistry
The Piano Man's Daughter, Timothy Findley
The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini (yes, finally)
Suite Francaise, Irene Nemirovsky
The Omnivore's Dilemma, Michael Pollan

2005 List
So here it is divided into the following categories: "The Pinnacle", "Definitely Worth Reading", "Honourable Mentions", "Fun" and, as a bonus, a few "ABSOLUTE FAVOURITES from other years".

THE PINNACLE (In no particular order):

The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
The Historian - Elizabeth Kostova
Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides
Talking to the Dead - Helen Dunmore
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
Fasting, Feasting - Anita Desai

Definitely Worth Reading

Vernon God Little - DBC Pierre
The Life of Pi -Yann Martel
Brick Lane - Monica Ali
The Hero's walk - Anita Rau Badami

Honourable Mentions

Unless - Carol Shields
Oryx and Crake - Margaret Atwood
My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Piccoult
The Hours - Michael Cunningham
The Secret Life of Bees - Sue Monk Kidd

Fun

What Was She Thinking? : Notes on a Scandal -Zoë Heller
Little Children - Tom Perrotta

a few ABSOLUTE FAVOURITES from other years

The Poisonwood Bible - Barbara Kingsolver
When We Were Orphans - Kazuo Ishiguro
Amsterdam - Ian McEwan

Planned Reading for 2006
(Based on recommendations, availability in Dubai, authors and books from within her "easy travel zone", work by suggested authors that was available, etc....)

The Zanzibar Chest - Aidan Hartley
Restoration: Tie-In Edition - Rose Tremain
Shantaram: A Novel - Gregory David Roberts
The Map of Love : A Novel - Ahdaf Soueif
The God of Small Things - Arundhati Roy
Cloud Atlas: A Novel - David Mitchell
A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
Reef - Romesh Gunesekera
Such a Long Journey - Rohinton Mistry
The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
In Cold Blood - Truman Capote
The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals - Michael Pollan
Nine Parts of Desire: The Hidden World of Islamic Women - Geraldine Brooks
Year of Wonders - Geraldine Brooks
The House of the Spirits - Isabel Allende
Morality Play - Barry Unsworth
Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly - Anthony Bourdain
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate - Gary Chapman
Moon Tiger - Penelope Lively
The Cairo Trilogy: Palace Walk, Palace of Desire, Sugar Street - Naguib Mahfouz
The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
Fingersmith - Sarah Waters
The Deptford Trilogy - Robertson Davies
The Piano Man's Daughter - Timothy Findley

aaaaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhh.........

2008-05-09T18:18:00.003-06:00

dear god woman! don't you EVER shut up?!
EVER?!

good news, bad news, great news......

2008-05-05T07:49:00.002-06:00

good news: they didn't find anything.

bad news: they didn't find anything. *

great news: the next time anyone asks "what's up your ass?" i can honestly tell them "nothing!"

*what it really means is that after a year and a half of trying to resolve this issue, they've run out of ideas. so that while they didn't find anything wrong, they still don't know what is wrong. or, better yet, due to the 3 month delay to get a consultation with a specialist and then a 4 month delay for the procedure, and then another month delay due to a booking issue (they booked a day the doctor wasn't in...... wow, that gives me faith) the problem has just silently corrected itself.

Oh joy.....

2008-05-01T07:19:00.004-06:00

And so begins day 2.

The joy of yesterday started at 5pm. The joy subsided enough by 11pm I felt
safe to go to bed. Although I believe it's a programming or data processing
term, I believe GIGO applies here. Garbage in, garbage out.

Drink every 15 minutes, you know every 15 minutes.

Today's joy just started. First cup of pinapple nausa down the hatch. Blah.
Yesterday it took an hour to kick in. Not sure about today. Nothing but
liquid under high pressure now.

Yes virginia, I'd MUCH rather be at work.

Now if you'll excuse me.....

Time for glass #2. :/

the shits.....

2008-04-30T18:55:00.004-06:00

warning!

this post contains spoilers......

spoil your day
spoil your appetite
spoil your mood

my life. literally.

i'll warn you that you may wish to skip this.....
although knowing human nature, you likely won't.....
so i'll hint it, rather than be blatant.

"The day before...... you must be on a CLEAR LIQUID DIET for the whole day before your test."

Colyte
"Flavoured" - I'd like to point out they don't indicate what flavour
Colon electrolyte preparation
Non-medicinal ingredients: Magnasweet 185, pineapple flavour, and sodium saccharin.
Clinical Pharmacology: Colyte cleanses the bowel by induction of diarrhea
The rate of administration is 240 ml (8 oz / 1 cup) every 10 minutes. Rapid drinking of each portion is preferred rather than drinking small amounts continuously.
Refrigerate the solution, as chilling improves the taste.
4 Litres

i'll leave the rest to your imagination.

chilling does not improve the taste. 2 litres in and the aftertaste is almost making me vomit.

i lied about not being blatant (look away now.... look away now.....) i understand the term "peeing out my ass" better than i ever wanted to.

warned you.

oh crap. have to run.

MIP....

2008-04-24T07:48:00.002-06:00

the moment in picture.....
an homage to joe*

frosty came out of his early retirement to help
celebrate the record snowfall in calgary this week.

* joe, if your desperate for your wip, feel free to use/recaption

that about sums it up......

2008-04-19T13:31:00.002-06:00

the glory and the wonder of it.....

2008-04-11T07:23:00.001-06:00

so, i went to the store yesterday and parked in front of an office. it was a dentists office. and i noticed the name of one of the doctors on the door. being 6" high lettering, it was awfully hard to miss.

it was dr. pecek.

i wondered two things:

what nationality is that?
surely, with "Dr." in front of it, no matter what the nationality, it must be pronounced paycheque (that would be paycheck for the rest of you.)

the score......

2008-03-13T21:28:00.004-06:00

in this corner, 18 pounds of sucky, rub my tummy furball...... his name is xaos*. in this corner, well my weight ain't none of your damned business, but let's just say we're over 10x that of the cat.

but every once in a while, when i get deathly sick.... kitty seems to take the whole pack animal thing to heart. i come down with the cold from hell..... kitty gets a look in his eyes that says the leader is sick, he must die. and what ensues is 2 days of hissing and growling as he follows me around the house. i've had him chase me down the hall clawing my ankle one time. usually he gets banished to the library under his chair, and we exist in an uneasy truce.

and it's only me. my better half can walk into the room and pat his head, or scratch under his chin, and he'll purr and act like she's got tuna hidden somewhere on her. i walk into the room, and the ears go back, growling and the attack position ensues.

however, this time..... my son got in the way. the cat must have felt cornered - he leaped over the boy, landed sideways, and scrabbled to get his feet under him - scratching my son (and destroying his shirt).

so we had ourselves a little discussion about who was dominant male. i'll admit, at one point when i had the furry sonofabitch by the throat i wasn't thinking nice thoughts.

i'll tell you what an 18 lb cat is. he's one pound of fur, 3 pounds of teeth and nails, and 14 pounds of killing fury. i can honestly say that i may have won the battle, but i lost the war.

he got his back feet loose for 30 seconds. when i got his back feet back under control, i lost my hold on his neck. it's amazing how much an angry cat can maul you in a short time.

the next night he was curled up in my lap, purring as i rubbed his tummy. while i made plans to phone the doctor because while the scratches were ok, the bites above were already infected, and had that pleasant oozing, scabby look going on.

yes, those scratches are going to leave a scar. yes, the hand is ok.

no, i don't know who's dominant in this house. and no, i'm not really in the mood to put it to the test anytime soon.

*xaos, is the original greek form of 'chaos'. and just in case you're wondering, i do have a second cat. his name is confusion. when i say chaos and confusion rule the house - i'm not kidding.

please....

2008-02-20T20:17:00.001-07:00

....do your part for the environment.

the kid's been at the fridge again....

2008-02-13T22:30:00.002-07:00

need to buy more letters......

....wonder what life will be like once he starts at preschool.

a moment in time.....

2008-02-12T08:04:00.000-07:00

improv - imagine 200 people waking into the largest train station in the world, and freezing in place......

the story: http://www.improveverywhere.com/2008/01/31/frozen-grand-central/

(c) 2008....

2008-02-09T22:36:00.000-07:00

copyright....
ever wonder what it really is? what the limitations are? just how insanely complex it gets?

here is a little ditty from stanford university; a fair(y) use tale....

the original can be found at this link:
http://voirdire.stanford.edu/program/centers/cis/fairuse/Fair(y)_Use_Tale_Stanford_Cut-stream.mp4

life....

2008-02-05T08:04:00.000-07:00

sometimes life hands you material, and you don't have to do any work at all.

i look forward to the rest of this particular series.

and since i've been lazy lately, i'll throw this one in for free.....

yup, this is an actual sign... from a computer service business somewhere in seattle.

tgif....

2008-01-25T12:48:00.000-07:00

2008.....

2008-01-04T22:57:00.001-07:00

a new year! and what has changed? well.... here's a sampling from this year's e-mail. yes, including the image:

pen!s
love weapon
erectile (tissue or dysfunction, take your pick)
dik
big schlongs
s'e_xual
huge rod
willy
stick
sensual delights
"wee-wee"
trouser mouse
massive rod (obviously not to be confused with huge rod)
a penis the size of an elephant (i can only assume they mean a penis the same size as an elephants.....)
phallus
pen!s enlargement (ironically not used in conjunction with huge rod, or massive rod)
get laidddd with viiiggara
diminutive stick
gigantic schlongs!
horse
hotties
big rod (apparently for those who are willing to settle)
"maximize the volume of your willy"
dick

we're off to the start of a banner year. ah yes, technology. what would i do without you in my life........ but i don't feel bad. i have several women friends who apparently have trouble with their penis size as well.

merry christmas....

2007-12-24T17:25:00.000-07:00

and the best of the season to you, and yours.

well, another christmas has arrived, and i find myself once again undecided. christmas and i don't have a great track record.... they've included several deaths in the family, being left, and being close to death sick. i find myself a little melancholy for those reasons.

and up until that point, i am fine. but then come the politics of family christmas.... who is hosting this year? what do you mean you're doing christmas there this year!? what is the limit for gifts? when are you coming over here? why not?! things have gotten easier with one of the divorced parents moving out of country - one less house to make it to is that less stressful. if you can imagine, one year we made it to 3 major 'dinners' the same day, plus another 3 places over the two days after.

with our own family now... we are in a better position to define our schedule and start new traditions. for one... only one family house visit in a day. as for the others? well... christmas morning is ours alone now.

christmas eve? not sure if it's a new tradition, but tonight will be sushi and salad rolls. my snack at the moment is crispy anchovy. i don't think it will be a regular christmas eve tradition... but it's good for now.

a wonderful christmas and the best of the holidays to you all.

immigrant? or native?

2007-12-19T21:08:00.001-07:00

my son is a technology native. 3 years old. has his own computer; and can start it, log in, load his favourite game or website, and shut the system down (correctly). he also enjoys a wide range of dvd's and movies. (we have no cable, so are thankfully disney channel and treehouse free.... plus skip most of the general advertising.)

he also plays with play dough, and other assorted items like kids from time immemorial. including..... magnetic letters on the fridge.

now what's different isn't that he has the old fashioned magnetic letters (2 sets of 72), and the leapfrog phonics set of single letters, 3 letter words, and the lowercase letters - it's the message.....

www.sonywonder.com or www.disneydvdgameworld.com

here are some other samples.... unassisted samples just to clarify.....

actually.... what scares me is that i'm afraid i won't be able to keep up.

----------------------

on the off chance anyone is wondering what brought on the whole immigrant/native topic, here is the background:

a while ago, a friend of mine posted an entry about technology, and how agency executives are digital immigrants instead of natives.

"natives have never seen a world without the digital. they use it “natively.” if you grew up pre-CD, pre-mouse, pre-cell phone etc., you’re an immigrant."

it sort of riled me up a bit.... and i made the following comment:

what amuses me, is that the digital natives become helpless without the digital immigrants. those (meaning the vast majority of natives) who use technology and take it for granted, are dumbfounded and adrift when it doesn’t work. they also have no second thoughts about putting massive amounts of personal information freely on-line in social networks.

the backbone of the system - those who concern themselves with operations, keeping things running, fixing that which is broken, and security are largely immigrants (at least those I know.)

it’s always amused me, that while I’m considered a “dinosaur” because I am of the “e-mail” generation (nay, I preceed even that) i am the one who is repairing the technology they broke.

i suddenly feel like playing the immigrant song at top volume from my iPod now.

i still stand by that, but have realized it's not completely true... i know many kids in the new generation are able to understand and fix technology. of course, all the ones i know are the children of parents who are technology immigrants and work in information technology.... who else teaches their 12 year old how to set up *nix networks, and would consider starting to teach their 6 year old SQL and Oracle?

game, set, match.....

2007-12-18T20:00:00.000-07:00

There is no light at the end of the tunnel,
Only a pack of matches handed down
From one generation to the next.
Humanity does not have a long fuse
And this generation holds the last match.

JonArno Lawson
Bad news, in The Noon Whistle, 1996

remiss.....

2007-12-07T23:09:00.000-07:00

friends, my apologies. i've been remiss in my posts lately. just a short update....

i quit my job, but took another position in the same department, but a different section. this should be an improvement.
i wound up as acting village idiot for my last month, and had two major projects dumped on me. i near killed myself getting them done (39 hours of overtime in less than 2 weeks.)
i did not in fact get them completely done, and am somehow fine with that. (i actually left halfway through one, and am not sure how it fared)
i have thought of work very little over the last couple of days. i don't miss it at all.

oh yes... i guess i should mention, i'm on holidays for the entire month of december. unused vacation time that was mandatory to take due to company policy. have tons of accumulated overtime as well.

i got out of dodge the first three days, and have spent the last couple catching up on errands. hopefully another week will see me mostly caught up - i'd desperately love a week between catch-up and christmas.

we'll see how it goes.

happy holidays if i don't make it back as planned. the new year looks promising.

the rubicon....

2007-11-13T20:11:00.000-07:00

so.... the die is cast. i demanded to be demoted. it went fairly well i think - turns out it was somewhat expected. at least my direct supervisor didn't try to bullshit me. he admits it will take a long time to fix most of the reasons i am quitting this position over.

so i interviewed for another position - not one where i expected, but one i can live with. i've worked with the person who will be my new direct supervisor as an equal for 3 years now. the catch? well..... i'm "acting" supervisor until they can locate a replacement.

that's been a month now. officially, i changed positions on november 1st. what's changed? well.... nothing. as you can tell since i am sitting at work eating a re-re-reheated chicken chimichanga for dinner trying to meet a deadline some manager who went home at 4:30 picked.

happy? oh yeah... fucking ecstatic.

not to mention on top of cramming two major projects into a month, i now lose time in the interview process. yup... you guessed it - i'm expected to sit on interviews and help hire my replacement. the last 4 interview sets i went to, i was the only person to show up with a set of questions (which everyone then photocopied and took my best questions.)

is it smart having me on the hiring committee? maybe. sure, i'm responsible.... but i'm at the point of "breathing? can tie their own shoes? FUCK! what are you waiting for... hire them.

of course, i may have put them under the gun.... got the nag letter from human resources about overtime and holiday time that has to be used by the end of the year. so... i'll be gone during the month of december, and possibly january to boot to try and use all my time.

of course.... the fact that i'm sitting here earning time and a half on a project that has many more nights like this one isn't helping.

maybe i'll see everyone in march :)

if i don't have a stroke trying to get there :(

limbo.....

2007-10-17T23:13:00.001-06:00

ok.... so while not yet dancing for joy, we've come a little closer. here's the story so far....

having become totally fed up with my job, and at the suggestion of several friends, co-workers, and my better half, i began to seriously consider seeking employment elsewhere. one final straw led me from considering it, to actively looking at optional opportunities on-line.

i opted to see if i could demote myself, as it looked like a position of interest was about to become available. so being unable to resist a dramatic moment, at the end of the day i handed my immediate supervisor a sealed envelope, and parted with the works "we have to talk tomorrow" and watched as they went pale. a short discussion ensued. the request was not a big surprise, and it looked like there were going to be some options.

fast forward to today. today, i had an interview. it was mostly an informal discussion about the transition. the available spot isn't in the area i thought it would be, but may be moved or altered. either one is acceptable. there will be a period of continuing to act in existing capacity, followed by a period of transition while i bring the new sucker up to speed, followed by a period where we determine what my job will actually be. i get to keep the same level of pay, and get to avoid another six month probationary period.

so where does this leave me? in limbo..... in order to advertise the position i am vacating, i have to officially resign. to finish off the application, resume, interview requirements i had to submit my references so they can wrap things up and offer me the position. i also had to submit my letter of resignation.

so as it stands, i have officially resigned, but not officially received an offer. ironically, i've been here before.

i figure in the end, no matter how it turns out, it will be better than continuing as it was. at the worst, i have to find another job - in a city where there is a severe shortage of qualified people. but i'm sure things will work out. they always seem to, no matter what.

today....

2007-10-10T19:27:00.000-06:00

after starting the day barely able to walk in the doors at work or keep myself together, much less discuss anything with a co-worker (and not feel like falling apart - indeed, almost falling apart publicly), i am much happier this evening.

more details will be forthcoming, once i am able to iron them out from possibility/probability to actuality.

(no pills were consumed in the production of said happiness.)

"living"....

2007-10-08T23:28:00.000-06:00

my life, is ruled by fear. anxiety. desperation. trapped, i stand on a ledge. unable to move, lest i fall. as twilight turns to dusk, and then to blackness. i wait for the stars to appear - light and salvation both. there is nothing but dark storm clouds that race across the sky. frozen i stand on the precipice as the storm breaks around me every fibre of my being screams at me to jump - that my only chance of survival is to close my eyes and take that leap. and so, i stand here. paralyzed. and live. completely immobilized. in fear.

excitement....

2007-09-14T16:25:00.000-06:00

because this is way more exciting than my life....

how's your german....

2007-08-31T00:21:00.000-06:00

lately i've been doing more correspondence the old fashioned way. by hand. using a fountain pen.

there's something in the process of writing that seems to get lost when you sit in front of a computer. almost as if a part of your brain shuts down - or perhaps you use a different part.

but i digress. as part of this choice to "unplug" i've looked into envelope and letter folding (www.ghh.com/elf) as well as using sealing wax and seals.

in my travels of late, i ran into a fairly unique wax seal. from nazi germany, world war two era. very cool, but i'm having trouble translating.

so.... how's your german?

(Salzwedel was pretty easy to figure out - it's a town that's been around since about 800-1112 AD or so.

life at home...

2007-08-29T23:31:00.000-06:00

my son is three. picture this. he accidentally swallows extra air while drinking his milk. belches. puts two and two together. practises a couple of times. gets the technique. he's taught himself to swallow air and belch at will, and he's got it down pat. still practising on technique, but he's pretty much there.

having graduated to becoming "a man", we opt to start the next phase.....

here are the two phrases we're working on with him. i'll let you choose which you're rather hear:

gimme some sugar, baby (bruce campbell - army of darkness)
it's good to be the king (mel brooks - history of the world, part 1)

bringer of sunshine and happiness...

2007-08-26T21:30:00.001-06:00

excerpts:

august 2, 2001

i have my doubts. i used to have a clear vision of where i was, who i was, and where i was going. more and more, life intruded. weighed me down. clouded my vision. now i wonder lost in a fog. unable to dream any longer. imprisoned. my new weapons bitterness and sarcasm. reduced to using these to ensure survival. chaining myself down, even as i struggle to rise above.

august 8, 2001

is it, i wonder, a bad thing to walk about, with angry rants filling my head and consuming me? maybe it's because i deal with stress better than confrontation, and i'm beginning to see i don't actually deal with stress all that well.

do i actually care at this point? honest answer.... no, not really.

august 16, 2001

i was not always like this. once, long ago, i was like you. a doer, a thinker, a dreamer. as to what occurred to alter my path to destiny, i am unsure. i look back, ponder, wonder, and i see only that my past is shrouded in the mists of time. somewhere in that dense, murky fog lay the answers.

to find them seems an impossible task, yet i must. for now it is the only thing left that can alter my current path. all that is left to save my life, and end this miserable existence.

the person revealed....

2007-08-17T23:19:00.000-06:00

i've been somewhat lost for a while. turns out as i randomly hit old journal entries that it has been more than a while. i've been lost pretty much forever.

what makes me tick? here's an old entry. verbatim.

July 10, 2001

gilbert

colton james morris

07.02.91 - 12.17.91

sec J blk 38

ten years. so hard to believe, that it's been 10 years already. so much time has passed, yet here i am still searching for myself. still lost. frustrated, unsure, frightened. what have i accomplished? or changed?

i sit here, in this melancholy place, and feel the presence of grief and sadness filter through the stillness. light wind blows through, breeze rustling the grass and the toy wind catchers. this section, reserved for newborns and small children is almost heart wrenching.

and what do i feel? a little sadness, but no one should be forced to live with such overwhelming disabilities. melancholy? a touch, for he was the son i never really knew. what i do feel, is a sense of grief for the tragedy, and a sense of irony.

and perhaps it is the feelings, the other feelings i harbour in relation to this event that are the ones that don't allow me to get beyond this point.

i have a sense of guilt for feeling them. for they are the ones others dictate i should not feel. anger. betrayed. frustration. rage. but why should they not have a place? they would had the child lived.

anger at myself, for letting myself be manipulated, for not making a stand as i should have. that was my worst mistake. not fighting for my own rights.

anger over my treatment. someone else deciding i should have the right to know, and then deciding i was no longer allowed to visit my own child. frustration that the rest of my family was allowed, but i was being manipulated out of revenge and pettiness.

rage for being told to stay away from the funeral. rage at myself for doing it.

and now? perhaps it was better, not knowing him well. closure? i think finally come when i last saw misty, and met her two kids. that was when i realized she had never moved on, never changed as a person. that she owned the problems, not i.

the judgements made over my actions coloured, overshadowed by their prejudices.

my guilt lay, lies still, in not standing up for myself. i know, but somehow have not yet learned fully, that the cost is infinitely higher than the consequences of taking a stand could ever be.

perhaps, that is what this lesson was all about. to finally come to terms with the fact that i do have the right. that i need to take a stand. and that i don't own anyone's problems unless i choose to. and that it's ok to choose not to.

after 10 years, perhaps i have finally brought this to a close. i feel a sense of peace about it now, and a sense of pity. the feeling of anger over it has lifted. and now, there is a little sadness, a little tragedy, and a sense of finality and closure.

it's not something i believe can ever be forgotten. nor should it. but i think it will now stop haunting.

happy 10^th birthday colton. i am sorry life was so short and painful for you. forgiving myself will bring us both a better measure of peace. you will not be forgotten.

two totally unrelated things....

2007-08-09T20:52:00.000-06:00

barney.

oh. my. god. (in the voice and style of janice on friends.) that is some kind of awful. i have just had my first experience with an episode of the big purple dinosaur. it explains why they are now extinct.

besides, i don't trust the bastard. he never blinks. although he obviously has earned enough pimping in hollywood to have his teeth capped.

a vision of wonder

imagine that perfect arc. as it rises, in a perfect parabolic curve. glinting and flashing in the sun as it reaches it's apogee, and then begins to descend, 9.8 metres squared, accelerating toward the ground and culminating in an explosion. an eruption of glass, plastic and electronic parts. the blackberry lies in fragments, in a crater of its own creation.

this perfect vision brought to you by the average day at work.

imagine: dealing with management. trying to explain "why". the cost of replacing said blackberry.

this perfect moment in time, ruined.

the problems in my head....

2007-07-28T00:53:00.000-06:00

no... no voices. at least not yet. i've been in sort of a weird head-space lately. i guess that should be readily apparent by my asking okami to marry me - even though it was intended to be humourous, a joke, not only was it in poor taste - but there is something just so inherently and fundamentally wrong and odd about it that it is not only not funny, it's not funny.

i'm sitting here listening to iris by the goo goo dolls over and over and over as i type this.

i knocked some stuff under my desk over, and went to clean up the spill of paper - this is the area i keep my shoebox(es) in.... you know - shoebox. the spot where you keep odd scraps of memory. i opened them and sifted through a couple of items.

1990 concert ticket stubs for Depeche Mode - Violator.
1994 contert ticket stubs for the Eagles - When Hell Freezes Over tour.
Ticket Stubs form the San Franciso Alcatraz tour a couple years ago.
A couple pennies that were an in joke between an instructor and myself (my 2c worth. the 2 i have are American pennies as he was from chicago - his are Canadian of course.)
An empty frame that used to contain a cherry stem tied in a knot. (since you must know, a friend of mine years ago - back in my college days, ate the cherry and tied the stem into a knot using only her tongue before taking it back out of her mouth and handing it to me. I've lost the stem, but the frame still puts a smile on my face.
old cards from Christmases, graduation, and birthdays.
old letters - Love letters, LOVE letters, fight letters, make-up letters, letters of discussion. Man I used to date a psycho bitch - I guess when someone's nickname for you is "My Little Boy" that should be a pretty good indication there's a problem, eh? (Can you top that one Joe?)

shit. my state of mind is out of joint enough that i'm capitalizing. and i'm too tired and lazy to fix it - fuck the stylistic at the moment.

I ran across two things - one was a scrap of something I had written - the other is a quote that i prefaced a journal with. they seem to fit my mood at the moment - so here they are.

I. I the Creator.
Holding in my head.
My hands. My words.
Untold worlds of limitless possibility.
Infinities of probability and choice.
In the beginning was.
My own image.
Or shall i be something new and untried.
How shall I begin.
And Where.
- messiah

"And this journal will be destroyed... must be destroyed. It is a poet's place to lay bare thoughts that others must deny even having, but poetry is dead and I soon will be and I refuse to leave these thoughts where prying eyes will find them. And yet I must write about it all or go mad."
- Dan Simmons
The Great Lover

ok.... i take that back - on second thought, they don't really fit my mood much. to be honest, i'm not really sure just what my mood is right now.

i think it may no longer be an option not to take some time for reflection. pondering. retrospection.

and maybe to burn some of those old, poisonous letters that i am no longer sure why i've held on to for 15 years.

goo goo dolls....

2007-07-26T23:52:00.000-06:00

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

goo goo dolls
iris
from the album dizzy up the girl

true story....

2007-07-23T16:30:00.001-06:00

I don't know how "true" this is, having received it by e-mail, but i thought it was worth a chuckle....

story from houston medical center:

a man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis.
according to the nurse attending, the patient's girl friend found the
ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him, she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his penis while he was asleep.
i don't know what's worse:

1) having your girl friend find out that you're married.
2) explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis.
or
3) finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring.

Tetris....

2007-07-16T23:37:00.000-06:00

Japanese "Human" Tetris.... I wonder when the home game is being released?

Japanese Tetris

http://www.break.com/index/japanese-tetris.html

"

2007-07-15T22:33:00.000-06:00

"we human beings need secrets," she thought, "as much as we deserve the truth."
- tom robbins, villa incognito.

insanity....

2007-07-11T15:56:00.000-06:00

let's just say.... a little insanity is good sometimes.

How hot is it really? I started sneezing while it was in the microwave - due to the hot sauce in the air. I was able to eat the entire bag at a single sitting - but I'll admit it did make my nose run. Hot enough to be really enjoyable. Not so hot it was a bad experience.

expanded freeware list....

2007-07-08T23:44:00.000-06:00

additional freeware i've picked up since my last post when i rebuilt my computer. (can be found under the 'freeware' label.)

audio player:

XMPlay - they claim "Balls-on accurate. Plays the way nature intended." Nice player. Provides link to equivalent non-windows player. http://www.un4seen.com/

screen capture:

FastStone screen capture - screen capture utility that allows editing, addition of text, boxes, labels, etc. http://www.faststone.org/FSCaptureDetail.htm

image viewing:

FastStone image viewer - supports all major image formats, and good range of basic editing features. http://www.faststone.org/FSViewerDetail.htm

video conversion (between MPEG-MOV-PS3-MP4-iPOD-3gp/3g2-mobile phone-etc)

MPEG Streamclip by Squared 5. Also available for Mac. http://www.squared5.com/svideo/mpeg-streamclip-win.html
SUPER. i had to do a bit of work to get through all of their website to find the download section, but it was well worth the time (they do have a short list of what web settings need to be if you find yourself endlessly looping). http://www.erightsoft.net/SUPER.html

3d /2d cadd & drawing software

SketchUp6. courtesy of Google. http://sketchup.google.com/download.html
an interesting concept in 3d modelling software. easy to learn, easy to use. i was able to actually produce a finished drawing in about and hour and a half - less time than it took me to get through the first chapter of the last cadd package i tried to use. pretty feature rich, although the pro version has a few extra bells and whistles that most hobby users would never need. edit: i noticed later that i had listed this in my first freeware post, but think it's worth a re-mention, as i have gained a new appreciation for it having actually had some time to use it. it's now a highly useful tool to me, instead of just a cool free utility.

notepad replacement:

notepad++ - a free notepad replacement tool. http://notepad-plus.sourceforge.net/uk/site.htm. i switched to notepadd++ from pspad as i find it has most of the same features, but seems to load much faster. for the basic editing i use it for, it was a gain in speed with no loss in features. your mileage may vary, and both are good programs.

mind mapping:

freemind. this gets another mention because version 0.90 is available in beta. but they do warn it's not stable enough for full production. (like that ever stopped any geek i know...)

smitten....

2007-07-05T16:10:00.000-06:00

there's a story here. but you've heard all you'll hear about it.

this post brought to you by the perverse smug sense of self-satisfaction that comes with posting something cryptic and vague that is full of secrets.

awareness.....

2007-06-30T07:28:00.000-06:00

awareness. or perhaps more accurately a lack of aforementioned awareness. i begin to wonder if this is a root. the root. primary cause. the great mover and shaker of my life.

at one point in my now sad and trivial existence, things were not always so. i think the change came when i sold my soul. shelved freedom. creativity. challenges. and accepted in it's place the tedious drudgery that entails the provision of "the steady paycheque." i have traded one type of prison for a prison that is even worse.

they don't call it the grind for nothing.

at some point after trading creativity and freedom for a steady paycheque i started focusing on the wrong things. or perhaps this trade was the point of no return - for it seems to me now, although not at the time it occurred, that to trade one's soul in such a way is an indication that one has already focussed on the wrong things.

surely there must be a way to conquer the north american expectation. demand. design. that one lives to work. surely there must be a way to right the wrongs and restore the balance. to bring oneself back from the precipice. to work to live.

nay. not only to work to live. but to have a life. an understanding. a definition. and a harmony with that life.

ultimately this requires being in touch with yourself. knowing yourself. being comfortable with yourself. accepting yourself.

time. time and awareness.

----
Photo from: http://blog.7inspirations.com/author/phil/
Photo based on the original Creative Commons work “DSC09508.JPG” by net_efekt (license info..)

offensive....

2007-06-27T22:15:00.000-06:00

i used the word penis on facebook today. my status reads "is wondering why spammers have obsessed about his penis."

i wonder if it will offend anyone.....

i wonder if anyone will agree there is something there to obsess about ;)

the sad reality....

2007-06-27T21:55:00.000-06:00

somehow, it strikes me as sad, that when my official day ends at 4:30 pm, that i am only now returning home at 10:00 pm.

another fabulous project. another wonderful cluster fuck from hell.

nothing much to say....

2007-06-25T14:12:00.001-06:00

i feel like i'm running out of time.

words are not enough.....

2007-06-11T15:29:00.000-06:00

arm after the blood letting, er...
i mean blood tests.

feet of frodo. or, i used to have an
ankle on the right foot.

and i'll leave you with one parting thought.....
i'm tired of seeing the phrase "black, tarry stools" on the side effects list.

maybe words can be enough......

frustration....

2007-06-08T19:23:00.000-06:00

these days i seem to measure the phases of my life by prescription and illness. it's getting frustrating. and i'm starting to lose my sense of humour over it all. especially when the tests all come back with indications that there is nothing major wrong.

so for those who are wondering how i've defined my life lately.... it starts with the major gout attack about 2 months back, and then continues in complications that seem to be related.

gout attack
swelling of the feat
anemic, with extremely low blood count. seemingly caused by the drugs used to treat the gout.
shortness of breath
tiredness
additional gout attack(s)
continued anemia with a heavy iron supplement assisting in minor fashion
unexplained serious swelling of the feet/legs for a long period of time. (this would be the latest.) possibly related to the arthritis. possibly related to the drug treatment(s).

test indicate nothing wrong - well, other than the anemia/iron deficiency. ecg says the heart is fine. x-rays say the lungs are clear, however they indicate a possible hiatus hernia. bloodwork rules out liver, kidneys, and thyroid. we'll skip the list of medications - it's not pretty.

monday will see ultrasound tests to make sure there are no clots or other complications in the legs. thursday will see an upper gi tract flouroscopy to find out if it is a hernia, and if there is internal bleeding.

i guess the doctor didn't see the humour when he asked if i knew what a hiatus hernia was, and i responded 'a hernia on a short leave?' oh well. he may be stymied, but at least he's worried.

with luck the reumatology clinic i'm scheduled for at the end of the month may have some answers.

really... that's all i want, is some answers. i'll be less whiny when i have some answers.

so for now, i'm stuck with my feet in the air, able to do nothing - feeling perfectly fine. other than looking like i stole frodo baggin's feet that is. with luck my life will become exciting as he drops by the house searching for them. maybe he'll bring gandolf (and whatever gandolf smokes to look so happy) with him.

i now return you to your much less depressing lives....

the weather.....

2007-06-08T19:10:00.000-06:00

just an update to the insanity of weather we have. after the last major heavy snowfall we experienced not long ago - we have had a record setting storm. 72mm of rain fell in a 3 hour period. sure, that doesn't sound like much, until you realize the following 2 facts:

the previous record was only about 35mm in a day.
the average monthly rain fall for june is 79mm

add to that the additional 20mm that was received the next day (yesterday) and you'll understand the concern.

and what does that mean to me? 80 gallons of water in the basement. thankfully i managed to keep up on the bailing and experienced no flooding. others.... not so lucky.

here are some photos i received via e-mail from a friend of one of the major roadways in the city: glenmore trail (by the way, the first photo is of an overpass as indicated by the car trapped in it, not a bridge over a river)

remiss....

2007-05-31T22:56:00.000-06:00

i must admit, i've been remiss with my posting schedule. truth be told, there's not a lot to tell. which is not the same as not a lot going on.

work is insane, but there's no point in bitching about it. i've decided i don't hate my job. but i am frustrated by it, and there are things that are suckage to the nth degree, but it's a job. were it not a job, it would be fun. okay, so i'm not doing something i love (insert little popping hearts and cornball soundtrack here) but i need to figure out what that is.

ok, so my job is keeping me from figuring that out. whatever - that's more than enough about work.

other things are busy - took a couple of turning courses. more about those will be posted.

continue to have health complications. gout continues to be a problem. gout medication has turned into a problem. i'm anemic enough i should be dead. ironically i'm often told i look like i am dead. due to this, i'm somewhat lethargic and apathetic except when my boss uses a cattle prod. the work boss - but enough about work. and enough about health.

so what to talk about then? there's always the weather......

i know, a week out of date, and already done by others, but i was speaking with a work acquaintance who lives in toronto, and it made the front page of the newspaper. the last time i remember that happening was almost 20 years ago - when we had a chinook in february. the photo that ran on the front pages was a group of people out playing baseball in shorts and t-shirts, in february, in 2 feet of snow.

you'll understand when you see the photos.

so... the scenario. a pleasant wednesday, mid-may heading toward the end of may. nice and warm - about 12*C (54F). look out the window about 1:30 headed for bed - and notice it's snowing. lightly. wake up the next morning (thursday) - to 8 inches of snow. heavy snow. ugly snow. lots of tree damage throughout the city. shake the trees. shovel the sidewalk and the car. head to work. return home 9 hours later - to green grass. friday we're back to 18*C (64F).

from the front door leaving for work

what used to be a 10 foot hedge
(now about 3 feet)

branch that used to be about 12 feet above the slide
in the park next door

closer photo of the same park
(same day - about 9 hours later)

arrived home from work

i guess you could call our weather a forecast of huh? with some occasional flurries of wtf?!

vista....

2007-05-08T00:22:00.000-06:00

my opinion? run away screaming.

it's late, so i'm going to keep this short. it's not that i don't like vista. they've done some nice things. i like the new interface. some great features. but......

i tried upgrading my home system to vista this weekend. my home system is a p4 2.4ghz processor - about 4 years old. i have a gig of ram. the pre-install check told me it would install with most of the bells and whistles, an "experience" marker of 3.4 - same as my work machine. however the limitation at work is a shitty graphics card. the limitation at home is an older processor and a lack of ram.

yes - it makes a big difference. yes - sucks to be me.

if you don't have a new machine (core 2 duo) i would suggest waiting. if you have an n-vidia card, i would also suggest waiting (don't think they've ironed out all of their driver problems.) and speaking of problems - if you use a decent amount of software (that isn't made by microsoft) i would suggest holding off until they have a vista version.

which probably means upgrading to a new version. on top of upgrading your hardware.

after 3 days of random lockups. bsod's. and other assorted errors i can't name (tough when you turn your monitor on and your computer has locked up with no display) we're going home.

back to windows xp.

at least until i buy a new computer - then i'm left with no choice since they all ship with vista now.

that's progress, i guess.

haunted....

2007-04-24T20:57:00.000-06:00

i find myself haunted. haunted by the funeral of someone i didn't know.

my brother-in-law's brother passed away last friday. although he and my sister have been together for many years, i don't believe i've ever met his brother. came close once, but something came up and he didn't make it to the family holiday dinner that round. from what i've heard, he was an extremely interesting man, and would have been someone to meet.

he had just turned 20.

but that's not what haunts me.

it was a jewish burial ceremony (yizkor). complicated because of the timing coinciding with passover. a simple coffin (not the one pictured above.) a large gathering of family and friends. recitation of the 23rd psalm in hebrew and english, recitation of the 1st psalm in hebrew and english, some words from the rabbi, remembrances by two friends, and then by the immediate family (sister, mother, brother). after this the 'community' who had gathered to mourn was asked to follow behind the casket on foot to the burial location.

the grave, is filled. by hand. as part of the ceremony.

unlike all of the nice detached christian based funerals i've gone too where the man of god says a few words, you symbolically scatter a small handful of dirt on the coffin, and everyone goes away while they typically lower and fill the grave afterwards. or at least variations on this.

not so here.

and just to add some perspective, other than the rabbi and the immediate family (3 people) - the rest of the approximately 130 attendees were gentiles.

6 shovels. the community of mourners is requested to help fill the grave. the shovels are not passed from hand to hand, but layed down and picked up again. the coffin was lowered. the mourners proceeded to shovel. about 1/3 of the mourners appeared to be too freaked out to participate. several were close friends, and became extremely involved in the process.

i stepped up and did my part. and it stays with you. physically being involved with the actual burial is something i've never experienced before. it has a finality that is unshakable. perhaps it is part of the mourning and grieving process - a catharsis of sorts. but it continues to haunt me. even now, several weeks after.

after the grave was filled, another psalm was recited, and due to the fact that it was the passover season, no funerary prayers were said. everyone was then free to depart. everyone gathered, visited, expressed condolences, and departed.

but i'm sure everyone that was there, has left touched and changed.

because i know you miss me.....

2007-04-16T23:11:00.000-06:00

and because this is basically just awesome....
(requires sound, and may take some time to load...)

for sale, one cat, cheap....

2007-04-05T21:23:00.000-06:00

the next time someone tells you animals are dumb, or unable to communicate - i have a story for you.

the players: cat & "owner". (or depending on your perspective it could be "god" & servant, or me & he who fills my food dish and caters to my every whim.)

the scene: basement, corner, litter box with plastic mat.

the play: a shakespearean epic. part comedy, part tragedy. mostly comedy. depends on your perspective.

the title: piss on that.

act i. scene i.

i head downstairs to check e-mail. the cat follows. i pass by the litter box, and keep going. the cat pauses, looks at the litter box, looks at me, meows dramatically. i look back.

"tomorrow, alright?" i say, "i'm tired. i'll clean it tomorrow."

"rowrrrrrrr" he replies.

"no. tomorrow." i answer firmly.

i get 'the look'.

act i. scene ii.

the cat enters the litter box. looks at me. looks at the litter box. meows. meows again to ensure he has my attention. keeps eye contact.

proceeds to pee. on the wall. on the plastic under the litter box. on the carpet just to the side of the plastic liner. maintains eye contact. hits everything within range, except the litter box he is standing in the middle of.

cats steps out of the litter box, shakes the dust off his paws, and with a disdainful glance back at me walks away tail held high in the air.

act ii. scene i.
i raise my fists in the air, and scream. cursing the gods. in anger i hurl profanities at the sky.

i proceed to clean the litter box.

curtain falls.

note: the cat is not actually for sale. i love my cats. they are family. however, if you are looking for something high maintenance to look after - i have a brother i'm willing to let go cheaply ;)

absence makes the heart grow fungus....

2007-03-31T20:59:00.000-06:00

haven't had much to say. things are way to strange the last while. i find myself surrounded by illness and death.

i'm still struggling to recover from the acute gout attack. my doctor threw a massive prescription at it, and then extended it (and added another) when the swelling hadn't gone down after a week. a second week took care of most of it, however once i tapered off the prednesone, i've had some swelling come back. bad enough i could hardly walk on it yesterday.

on top of that, a good friend of mine is in town visiting one of his best friends who was recently diagnosed with brain cancer and given almost no time. only knew him as an acquaintance, but a nice guy. a good guy. about the same age. holy shit.

the kicker though was the 9am phone call this morning - where i found out my brother in-law's brother passed away yesterday. just turned 30.

stunned. that's all i can say.

i am totally fucking stunned.

down and out....

2007-03-14T12:57:00.000-06:00

somehow the fun never seems to stop.

for about a week and a half i've been down with an acute case of gout that flared to fullness on the weekend. hobbled in to see my doctor and am on a new dose of medication, at home with my foot in the air, chained to work by my blackberry.

i will likely post when my thoughts become more than ow, ow, oww, ouch, ow, hobble, hobble, stub, wimper, ouch. owie.

on a side note: the rod stewart concert was pretty damn good. my favorite part was when he cut the second song about 2 lines in, started laughing, looked at the audience and said "sorry, i fucked up". restarted the song and off we went..... not sure if that's confidence, or the knowledge that he had all of our money in his pocket already.

a quick question....

2007-03-07T18:03:00.000-07:00

what's better than concert tickets to see rod stewart?

free concert tickets to see rod stewart.

and i'm off to the concert. be thinking of you all. alone at home. reading this.

enough already....

2007-02-28T10:50:00.000-07:00

i don't believe in burning bridges, but i'd be lying today if i said i didn't wish that i pissed gasoline and that i could shoot sparks when i snap my fingers.

knowledge is power....

2007-02-22T21:02:00.000-07:00

having knowledge of something, does not necessarily give you power over it.

root of all evil....

2007-02-19T09:35:00.001-07:00

they say all it takes is money. too bad i don't have any.

truth....

2007-02-18T20:51:00.000-07:00

the fear of failing prevents me from beginning.

now, where was i......

2007-02-16T23:24:00.000-07:00

i can't begin to tell you what things have been like lately, without sounding like a whiny broken record - especially about work. hence the lack of posts. combined with the lack of time. suffice it to say, i've had some indicators that this has not been my best week:

like a sign from the devil, as i walked up the stairs toward the office today i found a little white tube sitting on a stair. i picked it up. i fondled it. i smelled it. i held it gently in a caress. i put it between my lips, closed my eyes, and inhaled. i imagined. i thought about lighting that fucker up. it's been 8 years since i last quit. i put it on a shelf above my desk and left it there. (actually, i forgot about it.)
i required (yes, REQUIRED) a quad mocha from starbucks this morning. i actually spent $6 on a cup of coffee. yes, you got it.... four shots of espresso in a mochachino. it lasted less than 20 minutes in the cup. several hours in me :) :) :) :) :\ :\ :( :( :( :p :p :p
laughing maniacally as i walk down the halls at work. often shortly after speaking to my manager - just as he's leaving the area. often for no real reason.
spending more time with my department director than my family.
massive projects with random deadlines and no resources (see... told you it would sound like a broken, whining record.....)

i've also been revamping another web-site in my spare time, and working on other interests.

however, i will leave you with a few reflections that relate to my last post:

out of all the exchanges, the nurse got the last (and best shot in). as she was applying the dressing, she made the comment "guess what! you get a free ass wax."
i felt like part of a sigfried and roy act when the packing came out - you pull, and pull, and pull... and it just kept coming.... all 6 feet of it. like magic.
she was wrong. even after a week of taping dressings to my butt, it never got a full wax. hah! so there!
the skin removed from the dressings was infinitely more painful than the incision. imagine a slightly painful x shaped incision surrounded by a square of scabbing skin and you'll know the good times you missed.
life is funny. just as the back end starts to heal - i come down with a massive head cold.

yah, i know... time to spray lysol on your brain and scrub. take comfort in the fact that i will not be posting photos.

more later when i've recovered from the last two weeks of hell.

madcap recap....

2007-02-01T21:00:00.000-07:00

oh yeah... happy anniversary - it's been a year. the post you've really been waiting for follows this one below.

flashback. madcap recap:

the start:

intention: reflection and personal growth. that was part of the reason for starting this blog. (well, that and providing technical support to someone else who had just started blogging - since i had never seen it, i needed to sign up.)
reality: that kind of shit takes time, and space, and quiet - and frankly between home with a 3 year old, hours of driving in traffic, and a job that... well, leaves no time for anything other than panic - it hasn't happened. it needs to, it just hasn't happened. besides, it's work.

personal:

meh. had a good vacation :) [click here to read about it - but it is long]
personal growth: nah - mostly covered that.
survived another year of work - barely. since the major benefit of my medical plan is that it covers the two drugs i need to control my stress induced hypertension..... well.... you get the picture. (you can lookup the labels suckage, job, interviews, and anger management - they'll probably cover mostly work.) edit: i take that back - suckage turned out to mostly be me just whining about my personal life.

medical (you know... the fun stuff):

july 2006 - vasectomy. i spend the morning with an old polish doctor with ice cold hands cupping my testicles. am pronounced sterile 6 months later.... 6 months. The average is supposed to be 30 days, or you can "assist" by spanking the monkey around 20 times to clean the system out. apparently i was "quite fertile" according to the doc', because i slapped that little furry bastard around almost daily for those 6 months. i almost cried from relief when the test finally came back clear.
september 2006 - dislocated shoulder. let's just go with fuck that hurt. and was of course two weeks before my vacation. thankfully i was out of the sling and able to drive.
october-december 2006. colds. flus. various illnesses. some we seem to have brought back from the states. others i traded at work. everyone in the house sick at the same time. various times. culminating in a bout of hacking so bad i almost barfed up a lung on my manager. luckily i got to skip a bunch of budget meetings because i was contagious.
december 2006 - minor chemical burn in the left eye. i don't think blogged about this one... but in going to prep my mom's christmas gift, i had an issue where i went to mix some old primer that had skinned over. the skin popped and i was splashed with oil based chemical goo from tip to tail. after running the eye under water for an hour while waiting on the phone to speak with medical assistance, i was told to head to the emergency room. where i wound up with my eye under running water for another hour and a half, until someone had a chance to drop by and see me. minor chemical burn - put these eye drops in for the next 3 days, and try to be less stupid next time. yes, paraphrased, but not by much.

which leads us to this episode......

an ode to my ass....

2007-02-01T20:59:00.000-07:00

this may be somewhat rude and offensive - in more ways than one. i'll let you decide if i opted to go for "blood & gore" or funny..... hell, once the percodan wears off, i likely won't remember just what the hell happened here anyway.

oh, most beautiful, and under appreciated appendage. no wait... it's not really an appendage, is it? oh, most beautiful, and under appreciated anatomy.....
my ass, which feels like raw fucking hamburger.
x marks the spot where they did plunder.
where the fucks my drugs.
ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch.....

do you really want to hear more? onward then......

to digress, someone i worked with once asked me where all the pretty nurses are. i'll explain that so it makes more sense. i work at a school, that offers nursing as one of it's undergraduate degrees. most of them aren't too hard on the eyes. yet experience has shown that there are many a nurse out in the field that have sucked lemons for a long, long time.

i think of it like part of the speech my wife's grandfather gave at our wedding.... "i've been to many weddings. and at every one, there's always been a toast to the beautiful bride....." (here he paused for dramatic effect, as you could see many women almost in tears at this point) ".... it makes me wonder where all the ugly housewives come from." ah grandpa.... the tears sure disappeared pretty fast.

but i digress....

i seem to have located the cute nurses. they were all gathered around my fat, hairy ass on tuesday. thankfully, i couldn't see anyone's expression, as i was lying face down on the bed whilst the doctor carved a large 'X' into my ass.

X marks the spot. here there be treasure? treasure is also known as booty. a large X carved in my booty. is cosmic karma fucking with me? argh....

where was i? oh yes, digressing.

i was suffering from a pilonidal cyst. this one was particularly bad. after a couple days of it slowly getting worse, i hit the walk-in medical clinic for some antibiotics - which have minimal effect. they seemed just as happy i knew what it was, and would be following up with my doctor. no one even bothered to look at it. they handed me some antibiotics, and shooed me out the door.

it kept getting worse, so i followed up with my doctor. what can i say... the man gets the bad end of it in all of our visits. his assessment was it needed to be lanced. they phoned the emergency room, and sent me off.

now, if you can imagine sitting on an infected abscess the size of a plum, buried just off centre by your tail bone, oozing bloody pus - you can imagine the irony of diving yourself to emergency, and paying to park while you will now spend hours sitting in a waiting room. it's also wildly exciting to be expected when you walk in to emergency because your doctor was kind enough to call ahead. thankfully - this part was short. after an hour, i was in a bed in the minor treatment area.

of course, the short line in the waiting area was an anomoly that was made up for in the treatment area.

cute little nurse shows me to a bed. hands me a gown. and then says she'll be back after i've changed. 'everything?' i asked, knowing it was likely to be a bit of a wait. 'yes' she answered, followed by 'the opening goes in the back' as she walked away. sigh. i didn't see anyone for almost 2 hours after that. dear god... there really are people that put them on wrong, aren't there.

i left my socks on. i also donated a couple bucks on the way out so they can afford some heat. i paced. i wandered to the bathroom every half hour to break up the monotony. i read the only book i had around at work.... dale carnegie's how to enjoy your life and your job.

at around the two hour mark lying on my side in the hospital bed, a second nurse (also cute) rolled up a tray with a bunch of surgical tools and mumbled something about it not being long. i assumed at the time, she meant the wait. but it was cold, and those gowns are thin, and she might have been referring to something else. i don't know. i didn't care.

funny, there's no mention of spending 5 hours being ignores and freezing in emergency at the hospital in a drafty gown. i finished the book and checked in the index. no hospital entries.

3 1/2 hours into the bed wait (4 1/2 hours total now) i managed to flag the original nurse down as she walked by... and bless her little heart... she realized i'd been forgotten about. up went the end of the bed and out came a blanket. to be honest, i just wanted to know if i could slip down to the cafeteria for some lunch if the wait was going to be much longer. nope.... as luck would have it, i was up next.

which was good, because after staring at the surgical tray for the last hour, i was starting to think i had accidentally ordered the do-it-yourself kit. but was bad, because they were going to freeze and cut when i hadn't eaten in 9 hours and was getting shaky.

finally the doctor shows up. i warn him about my not taking freezing very well.... i think he was humouring me, but he doubled up the freezing. and he even went out for more..... accidentally leaving the curtains wide open with my heine out enjoying the cool evening breeze, and on display for anyone walking through the ward.

"this isn't going to be fun" he says, proceeding to shove a needle full of local anesthetic into my backside in a dozen random locations. and it wasn't. although.... oddly, it was better than many days at work.

i'll admit, i was thankful that the freezing took. he seemed to spend a fair amount of time cutting, and i was somewhat startled when i heard him say "finally, there it is...." large, deep, hard to find pocket. and then began the fun. spray of water. and the doctor using his weight to get leverage and squeeze. and squeeze. and squeeze. and dig. and squeeze.

queue the cute nurses at this point. one of whom notices the curtain partly open to the public, and opts to close it so that only paid medical staff have to suffer cornea damage and scarring. at this point it is 'clean' and drained, and so that it heals properly they are going to stuff it full of packing material so it starts to heal from the inside out.

what i hear is "more. no, more. no, i'm going to need more." when i turn my head what i see is the nurse pulling packing out of a container an arm's length at a time. it's like a woven gauze, about 1/2 an inch in width, and green. the doc then proceeds to stuff this into the open wound - fitting 6 feet. as the freezing begins to come out. joy.

so for 36 hours i had to have that packing in place. they threw a dressing on, and told me to change it thursday when i removed the packing, unless it soaked through before then.

and then they offered additional dressing, percocet, and a sheet on after care for the wound. i sat forgotten again, until one of them noticed me out of the corner of their eye. handing me the percocet they told me i was free. i guess out of those last 3 items, i got the right one. free. free!

i hobbled out of emergency, and through the hospital to the car. collapsed in the car and laughed bitterly when as i shelled out the 10 bucks for parking. i headed home.

i crawled in the door and collapsed. feeling odd, i decided to check the dressing - and realized i had blood soaking through the dressing, 4 layers of clothing, and into the car upholstery.

so much for thursday.

abcess makes the heart grow fonder.....

2007-01-30T19:59:00.000-07:00

excuse my absence for the last couple days... it's been a looooooong weekend, culminating in a five hour wait at the emergency room today.

i was going to blog about the movie and pre-movie entertainment i experienced friday, but now that may be postponed in deference to a blog involving local anesthetics, my butt, and a scalpel.

since tomorrow is my one year (holy crap, this is all your fault okami!) ~~anniversary~~ blog-iversary, i'll let you vote :)

blood and gore, or amusement beyond belief?

it's in your hands.

violated.....

2007-01-25T20:37:00.000-07:00

victimized. my truck was ransacked last night. i parked it in the alley while i unloaded something into the garage through the side door, and then got sidetracked for a bit. when i went back out to move the truck, something seemed odd......

i didn't leave the glove box open. shit.

the seat was covered in detritus. slowly i started pawing through the mess to put stuff away.... afraid of what i would find, or wouldn't.

wait a minute - check the visor - insurance and registration are gone. shit. no... wait... there it is in the pile on the seat.

garage door opener? still there. tape converter for mp3 player? no? yup there it is. 8 year old street maps - check. 10 year old beat up tape measure - check. sunglasses - check. 15 cents change in the ashtray - check. flashlight with dead batteries - still here. led windup flashlight because the other one has dead batteries? there it is. screwdriver - check. band saw blades - check. damage? none i can find. small favours. booster cables - check. socket set - no..... shit. no, wait... i needed them in the house when i had to replace the furnace motor.

wtf? what were they looking for? ipod? blackberry? cd's? money? in a rusted out '91 junker? in a japanese car whose locks are so worn you can use a popsicle stick to open the door?

i'm not sure what i'm more embarrassed about - the fact that i didn't lock the door, and so invited this to happen, the fact that i only noticed because it was marginally cleaner than before they rifled the contents, or the fact that i don't have anything worth stealing. (and i'll argue that you shouldn't have to lock your doors - most people would have respected that, or may have busted the window if it was locked.)

it took about an hour, but i finally figured out what was missing - they stole some cheap kc pro multi-tool knockoff from home depot that wasn't even mine. worth less than most of what they did take.

if you want crime to pay, i think you have to be smarter than this idiot - or pick your targets better.

so now i have a clean truck (they pulled out all the garbage that had collected under the seats), and had an enjoyable night to boot.

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image from: plig.org/things/pictures/tn/Cape%20Town.jpg.html

a little ditty....

2007-01-22T10:28:00.000-07:00

la-tee-da-da-da-da
la-tee-da-da-da-da
la-tee-daaaaaaa-daaaaaaaaa dear messiah........
la-tee-da-da-da-da

ah, fuck it.
it's just another day.

public service announcement....

2007-01-19T21:33:00.000-07:00

to all of you that are afraid to use your credit cards, or anything other than cash - because the government, the "man" is out to get you, listen very closely....

unless you are a terrorist, or really are doing something highly illegal and unethical.....

you are fucking deluded. you are not that interesting. get over it.

we now return you to your regular program.

vacation.... part 4our (the final installment)

2007-01-19T21:08:00.000-07:00

the long drive home..... 3 months late.

short version: got in the car, drove. went through customs. drove. stopped overnight. drove more. got home, so i stopped driving.

full version:
day 10en: we spent the morning at pike place market, a fabulous market. if you've never been, and have the chance, i highly recommend it. at then end of it all, we bought a bag of hot, fresh roasted, salted cashew and hit the road toward home.

we picked up the i5 and drove down to the 250, from the 250 to the 252, and then onward until we met up with the 2. (if you have no clue what the hell i'm talking about, that's fine - because neither do i. damn highways proliferate like a pot of wet noodles flung across the floor. you'll have to grab a map and figure it out.) at last, after hours and hours and hours of driving (at least an hour) we came to beautiful downtown wenatchee, where we threw ourselves upon the mercy of the local super 8 motel.

thankfully they accept visa. problem solved. however it turned out we were somewhere in washington... damn. guess i didn't drive far enough. oh well. there's always tomorrow.

what's there to do in wenatchee? well.... here's what they have to say about the beautiful city of wenatchee: "wenatchee is world famous for our apples but it has so much else to offer.... one of the most digitally connected places in the country..."

after a night of sleep, it was another day.

day 11even: holy shit - the highway never ends. just keeps rolling. kilometre upon kilom... sorry, miles upon miles of blacktop. i keep forgetting the kilometres of blacktop are still across the border. Kept on driving that number 2 highway....

eventually we came to the border. rolled up, passports at the ready - it's always been easier to cross with passports, even before they became mandatory. roll up to the custom's officer and...

where you headed? home.
how long you been down in the states? about 4 days.
anything to declare? 32 tins of altoid ginger mints.
pardon? 32 tins of altoid ginger mints.

keep in mind, this whole time, i've had my hand sticking out the window of the car, waving our passports at this guy. he studiously ignored them. it didn't seem to matter how hard i waved them - he couldn't have cared less.

have a nice drive home. please drive on.

still waving the passports... he won't take them. fer fuck sakes buddy - after the cost and hassle of getting these damn things - look at them. thankfully, my inside voice stayed inside where it belonged, and i slowly accelerated forward. still waving the passports of course.

welcome to osoyoos, home of canada's only desert. that's right... just across the river, by one of canada's warmest lakes year round, is canada's only desert. things of interest: model t truck, fully restored coming back from a car show down in wenatchee (almost ironic) and a sculpture apparently demonstrating the dangers of drowning in our desert region.

as nice as the weather looks, the owners were
bundled up in full winter gear, as the truck has the
original heating system - none.

Back in the car and onto the number 3 highway eastbound. we stopped in beautiful downtown castlegar, where we had an incredible view from our room's window.
and yes, it was fun. staff stopped to watch, as laying fully flat on my back i picked up enough speed and momentum to shoot 25 feet out into the pool and make a hell of a splash. i did it until my not too healed, previously dislocated shoulder started to complain. (then i did it a couple more times to teach it who was boss.)

morning dawned to find us seeking yet another complimentary continental breakfast. although this one was a nice surprise - as they had waffle machines, hard boiled eggs, and a couple other additions to the spread that were a welcome change.

we took off as early as possible to get home at a decent hour, and headed up the 93/95 through radium and invemere to meet up with the trans-canada highway (no 1). one of the fun things about this area was the continental divide - the point where water stop flowing to the west, and starts flowing to the east.

and an area that had previously been devastated by forest fire, and was beginning to grow back. stopping to read the information was quite sobering - as i had mistaken how recent the fire was. by a lot.

and finally to home. where much to my dismay, i finally discovered the cause of the shredded engine belt that we had discovered shortly out of seattle. someone at the factory that had refurbished my nice shiny alternator i put in mere days before leaving, had put the wrong pulley on. thankfully the guy at the parts area just shook his head and handed me a new belt and alternator. warranty - you are a good thing.

note how the belt doesn't actually fit when
seated properly on the side. the car had been serviced
by mechanics who replaced the water pump after i changed
out the alternator.... since the belt has to come off
you think they might have noticed.

of course, at this point - arriving home - i decided i needed a vacation to recover from my vacation.